Signs of Life : The Brownie Chronicles

One Year of Downsized Life

2012-02-26T08:04:00.000-06:00

March will mark one year since we downsized from a large home into our current apartments.

One year later, this is what I still love:

The space itself. We've realized our family of seven can easily function comfortably in 1700 square feet. And if you take away Ken's office space, that really leaves 1500 of our actual living space. We've had a house-full of friends over for Christmas Eve and for small group. While it's not as spacious as our old place, it still works and our friends don't mind being a little closer.

The freedom. No worries over broken blinds, broken AC units, and even clogged toilets. All of this and more have been repaired or replaced by our apartment staff at no extra cost or hassle to us. The lawn is kept manicured, the pool sparkling, the roof patched. Gates, wood trim, and other cosmetic details are painted frequently. That, my friends, has been completely worth it!

The location. We truly enjoy this area of town. We're a few minutes from DFW Airport and a 30-minute drive to downtown Dallas, while still only 15 minutes from where we used to live and still spend a lot of our time. We adore the trails and enjoy the fact that the kids can ride to the park without ever touching one single street or crossing. This is also the only place we've ever lived where we can walk to the library. Huge bonus.

What has been challenging here:

The kids. It started out great. The girls began making friends quickly. But as soon as the girl-drama kicked in (including my own girls' girl-drama), all hell broke loose and it's now truly volatile. I won't go in to the details, but it's been fairly horrid at times. It got so horrid, the girls and I gave up. They just don't hang with kids here and I quit encouraging them to go work things out. I guess this is what kids face in public school? TJ has one close friend and a lot of the boys his age and younger follow him all over the complex. This developed only after suffering through his own time of getting teased, called all kinds of names, and even pushed down and bloodied up by a bigger boy. We were truly spoiled in our old 'hood. The kids didn't always see things eye-to-eye, but they remained friends. They certainly didn't call each other R-rated names or resort to physical violence. They hashed stuff out when the rare fight occurred and were truly friends to each other. The other major difference is, in our old 'hood, I was in weekly-if-not-daily contact with the other parents, even if it was just a quick text. I haven't even met more than a few of the parents here.

Our own gated yard. There are days when we're doing school that I'd like to send the boys out to play, but can't do that unless one of the older kids or I am with them.

Making it my own. Since I know this is a temporary home for us, I don't add a lot of our family personality to it. I haven't painted or even decorated beyond filling my kitchen pot shelves and hanging a few photos. I have a vision for the boys' room, but their walls are plain and bare. Fortunately, I like the paint colors and the wood and dark granite that make it feel warm and homey without my own colors added. Painting and extensive decorating are not worth the work knowing we won't be here much longer.

We won't be here much longer? Correct! Our lease is out at the end of the summer. At that time, we'll be moving elsewhere, but I'm not sharing those details just yet. Yes, I'm totally leaving you hanging; I know it's mean! Well, I must give you a reason to keep checking back, right?

All-in-all, we have loved living here. The amount of money we were able to make on the sale of the house helped us tremendously with adoption expenses. The freedom we've had from homeownership has been a true blessing during this season of family transition after the adoption. God knew what he was doing when he prompted us to sell our house and move here. Even with a few struggles along the way, we have no regrets!

The Meme: What Society Thinks

2012-02-20T23:54:00.000-06:00

In the last couple of weeks, we've seen a lot of the "What Society Thinks I Do" and "What I Really Do" posters. We've seen them for lawyers, homeschoolers, interpreters, Mormans, and just about any other people group you can think of.

Ken and I decided to make one entitled "Deaf." Without even thinking about it, the poster ended up with photos of men only. It was quickly brought to our attention, so we made another one with women*.

The real issue is, I could have filled 100 posters with photos of Deaf people in a wide range of roles. Ken and I are thinking about creating one. Here are a few of the people that come to mind. Who would you add? I know there are SO many more. This was just my initial list off the top of my head. If you think of someone, let me know in the comments section and, if you can, link me to their website or some online photo of the person.

Adrean Clark: Cartoonist/Homeschool mom

Matt Diagle: Cartoonist

Paul Rutowski: Entrepreneur

Chef Kurt: Irish Chef/Sexiest Chef in Austin!

Ron Bledsoe: Business Owner "Paint Paramedics"

Laura Bledsoe: Homeschool mom

Thomas Means: CPA

Sean Berdy: actor

Anthony Natalie: actor

Kenneth Brown: first Deaf employee of OSBI and LVMPD

Tim Rarus: ZVRS Vice President

Howard Rosenblum: CEO of NAD - Attorney

Chris Wagner: ZVRS Vice President
Julie Rems Smario: Founding Executive Director of Deaf Hope
Dr. Glen Anderson: University Professor. First Black Deaf person to obtain PhD
Jewel Rocha: Elementary school-aged performer, advocate, and interviewer at Jewel News!
Ben Behan, Ken Mikos: Professors and co-creators of Signing Naturally Curriculum

Taken from TheMProjects.com:

GERTRUDE GALLOWAY
First woman president for National Association of The Deaf and Deaf Seniors of America, as well as the first Deaf woman in the country to head a school for the Deaf

CLAUDIA GORDON
First Black Deaf attorney in the United States and the first Deaf student to graduate from the American University (AU) Washington College of Law

LIZZIE SORKIN
First Deaf student to be a student government president at a predominately hearing University with close to 18,000 students

ASHLEY FIOLEK
First female to race for a factory team last year when she joined the Honda Red Bull and X Games’ first Deaf gold medalist

MYRNA ORLECK-AIELLO
CEO of TCS Associates, first Deaf women to be named as Entrepreneur of the Year by Professional Woman’s Magazine

MOON FERIS
Established and operates Western Interpreting Network (WIN) one of the four interpreting companies in the United States that are owned and operated by Deaf people

MARA LADINES-REYES
Owner and Fashion Designer of By Mara, incorporates ASL in her clothing line in order to increase the public’s awareness of sign language

ROSA LEE
Co-Founder and Art director of the word-of-hand magazine called KissFist which features all talents within the Deaf community

MARLEE MATLIN
Spokesperson on closed captioning, recently lobbied on behalf of HR 3101, “The 21st Century Communications and Video Accessibility Act of 2009,” for National Association of the Deaf which got passed in 2010

CHERYL WU
Licensed psychologist who focused her work with multicultural Deaf children and their families for over 26 years in mental health, education, and community-based settings in the United States as well as Taiwan

LEAH KATZ-HERNANDEZ
Blogger and political activist who received attention from CNN as well as NBC for her blog, recipient of the “Local Grassroots Leadership Award” by the Latino Inaugural Celebration Committee at the Organization of American States

JULES DAMERON
Established Deaf Women in Film (DWIF) with the sole purpose for supporting, recognizing, and helping all Deaf women cultivate their careers as well as signers associated with the film industry

MARY RAPPAZZO
Painter who established the infamous one-eyed signature style which was shown at several art galleries in California and New York

TL FORSBERG
Singer who was featured in See What I’m Saying film, Alanis Morissette and Tori Amos concert, Much Music, MTV, City TV, and The New Music

AMY EDWARDS
Computer-generated artist who has worked on films such as Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Fantastic Four, and Bolt!

MICHELLE BANKS
Actress, Director, and Write who was featured in several television shows such as Soul Food, Girlfriends, Strong Medicine, and ESSENCE Magazine

KAREN PUTZ
Blogger for her own blog called “A Deaf Mom Shares her World,” writer for Chicago Moms, Disaboom, and Parenting Squad

MELISSA RICH
Equal communication access advocate who fought with the Lollapalooza, an annual musical festival in Chicago, to provide ASL interpreters for Deaf people

ERICA HOSSLER
Passionate advocate for Bilingualism and is heavily involved with Early Hearing Detection and Intervention program (EHDI)

LAURA LOPEZ
Graduated from DePaul University in 2009 with a M.Ed in Educational Leadership and is currently the Director of Little Arrows Early Childhood Center

MARCELLA M. MEYER
Advocate, Leader, Warrior, Trailblazer, Mentor – many of the words used to describe Marcella M. Meyer (1925-2009). She was all of these and more.

She became GLAD’s first executive director, and in 1975, she became the Chief Executive Officer, a position that she held until retirement.

*Please note it was not our intention to be derogatory to women by using the term "waitress." That title isn't negative to me. I've never thought of it as negative. We recieved a few comments from people saying we shouldn't have used that term, because "waitress" implies we think it will be a stupid woman who thinks Deaf people read Braille. The truth is, it's happend over and over again in restaurants with wait staff of both genders, flight attendants of both genders, and random people, again of both genders, calling the Deaf services departments or schools for the Deaf all over the country asking about Braille.
All of that to say, "waitress" isn't a negative term in my view. It's just a job description we picked. If you'd like to imagine it says "service personell" then knock yourself out.

Twilight Book and Movie Review - Part 2

2012-02-18T10:50:00.000-06:00

Continued...

Book one, Twilight, was a sweet story, fairly innocent, and better than the movie. Big surprise. The book is not, however, a literary masterpiece.

Book two, New Moon, was my least favorite. I skimmed through a chunk of it, not really caring about all the vampire and werewolf history. I didn't seem to skip over anything too crucial, because the rest of the series continued to make sense. That may speak to the caliber of the writing, but I'm no writing critic. I am, however a major Harry Potter fan and couldn't help but compare the two series. There is no comparison. The literary quality of Harry Potter is in a much higher universe than that of the Twilight Saga of books. However, the Twilight Saga story in its entirety is an enjoyable one to read. I say "in its entirety" because if you take any one of the books alone without seeing how it ends, the characters' choices can be frustrating.
What jumped out at me in this book was that Bella was nuts. She was a whack-job. She wasted months of her life being depressed over Edward's leaving, then led Jacob on in a way that was frustrating to read. It made for great conversation with my daughter. "A girl can't tell a guy with her words that she just wants to be friends, then let him hold her hand and snuggle with her on the couch. It's just not lady-like nor is it fair to the guy. We gotta be a little wiser and more discerning than little Miss Bella."

Book three, Eclipse, was my favorite. I enjoyed the alliance the werewolves and Cullins' family created. There were a lot of "teachable moments" in this book. The benefit of alliances with people who should be your enemy, according to the world. Showing kindness to those who don't see the world the same way you do. Coming together, even with those who live contrary to your worldview, to fight against a greater evil. I liked those themes in this book.
The fact that Bella is a virgin came into light in this book. While it sounds very "Christian" that she's a virgin, she doesn't want to be one. She's only going along with Edward's wishes. She pushes herself on Edward often and only remains a virgin because of his self-control. Other than the fact that he doesn't want to kill her in the process of ending her virginity, he also wants to give her soul a chance at salvation since (he believes, but it's not a fact) his soul is already damned. Again, that sounds very chivalrous of him, but if he knew the truth about heaven, hell and God, he would know that losing ones virginity before marriage doesn't equal eternal damnation. One's soul also isn't lost or saved based on outweighing your bad deeds with your good deeds.
So while, yes, as a conservative mom, I appreciated the fact that they did not have sex, it's not enough to leave it at that. My daughter and I had already discussed Bella's behavior toward Jacob during the second book. In this book, we had to witness more of her aggressive behavior and decide she was not a heroine. Not to us anyway. And for the record, I do believe that sex outside of marriage is against the laws and will of God. I just know that breaking God's law alone doesn't equal damnation or else we'd all be without hope.

I began reading book four, Breaking Dawn, and realized just how important it was that I was reading ahead of my daughter. After the lovely description of the wedding, the book dives into the married relationship of Bella and Edward Cullen. There will be a time when Hannah can read this story. It's not dirty or sordid. It tastefully describes their physical relationship, but it's information I feel is not for a 12 year-old girl. Maybe in a couple of years. That's exactly what I told her. I let her know it was sweet and romantic (she knows that God created marriage and the physical relationship that is the great gift within that marriage), but that it's not something I want, or even she would want to read at age 12. She agreed and put up no argument. Part of the benefit of reading through a series like this with her is that it builds our relationship and trust.
The honeymoon chapters include a lot of tough themes. She's bruised and battered after consummating their marriage. She immediately is pregnant, with the baby growing at an alarming rate. Knowing the baby will most likely kill her from the inside out, Edward wants her "get rid of it." That's a LOT more than I was ready to dive into with Hannah. I didn't even have the energy to keep reading, so I shelved the book for a week. (I had read all three in less than a week.) I did end up picking it back up and finishing, skimming through much of Jacob's thoughts and the werewolf stuff. While I like Jacob, that side of the story didn't appeal to me. And the book wasn't written in a way that forced me to stay with it.

The movies were a different story. I previewed each one before deciding to allow my daughter to watch it. I felt like the more grown-up themes were written into the book in subtle ways. The movie is much more overt, in-your-face, leaving nothing to the imagination.

I let my daughter watch the first movie, skipping one scene. I didn't let her watch the second movie at all. We watched the third movie, skipping through one section. We also watched the fourth movie, skipping the entire time on the island.

Hopefully, this will help any other parents who have girls wanting to read the series. Funny, despite the theme of vampires and warewolves, my son wasn't even remotely interested in Twilight. Go figure. :)

Twilight Book and Movie Review - Part 1

2012-02-13T01:28:00.000-06:00

I know that in light of what I normally blog about here, these next couple of entries may seem totally random; but as a mom of young girls, this blog post has everything to do with parenting. It may also tell you a thing or two about my worldview.

When the first book, Twilight was released at the end of 2005, I had absolutely no desire to read it. I didn't even know much about it until the movie came out three years ago. When the movie came out on DVD, Ken and I rented and watched it. I remember feeling like it was highly romantic, yet cheesy movie and was quite astonished that many of the young girls my kids knew, even girls as young as 10 years old, were reading the books and watching the movie.

At that time, I made my judgement based on the first movie and what I heard about the books and decided I didn't want my girls reading anything that encouraged rebellious, dangerous love. In the first movie, Bella pursues Edward even after warnings from trusted adults, her best friend, and even Edward himself. The fact that her rebellious love for him was romanticized was something I could handle as a 30-something woman, but that I undoubtedly did not want my girls to read. After seeing the movie in 2008 and noticing many young girls reading the book, I picked up the book from the library so I could see it for myself and make a wise assessment. After skimming through it a bit, I wasn't impressed, so decided not to waste my time reading.

Then, at the end of last month, I began listening to Film and Theology, a sermon series from Mars Hill Church. I listened to a discussion of "Elf" and "Inception", then decided to hear what they had to say about Twilight.

The premise for the Film and Theology series is excellent. The truth is there is nothing new under the sun. The laws of God are written on our hearts. And by "our," I don't just mean Christians. Humans are created in the image of God. It makes sense then, that the ultimate story, The Gospel, would show up in the stories coming from the mind of man. At Mars Hill, they host "Film and Theology Nights" where they get together, discuss a movie, watch it together, (I want to go to one!) then discuss the theology and spirituality woven throughout the movie. Yes...from Elf to Inception, The Gospel message shows up.

I listened to Pastor James Harleman share his thoughts about the movie and decided I would read the Twilight book series. What struck me in his remarks were these thoughts: (I encourage you to listen to the podcast. I'm working on finding out if there is a transcript out there somewhere.)

Edward and his vampire "family" were born into a sin nature. Their sin nature leads to death and destruction for humans, so they choose to will themselves into resisting their nature in order to be good. Harleman pointed out that The Gospel offers so much more than simply a life of resisting our sin-nature, but I digress. I'll get to that later.

Bella (along with countless young and not-so-young women) become obsessed by the idea of being loved by Edward. He's immortal. He's supernaturally powerful. He's bedazzled. His pursuit of Bella is without limits. He's willing to give up everything, anything, to the point of his own life, to prove his love to her. It's obvious that people are crazy-nuts over this idea of selfless, perfect love. Yet many, I'd say most, are blind to the fact that this type of perfect love is not fiction. It's right in front of every single face, man or woman, on the planet. It's not a fictional vampire who has a "bad side" either. This Savior is perfect, blameless, and as real as the air you breathe.

In my next post, I will share my thoughts on each book and movie. Spoiler: I truly enjoyed reading the series (with a few caveats)! I'll also share my thoughts regarding my twelve year-old daughter reading (or not reading) the books.

The gospel is the historical narrative of the triune God
orchestrating the reconciliation and redemption of a broken
creation and fallen creatures from Satan, sin and its effects to
the Father and each other thru the life, death, resurrection and
future return of the substitutionary Son by the power of the Spirit
for God’s glory and the Church’s joy. --The Village Church

An Update

2012-02-05T17:45:00.000-06:00

My blogging time has recently been overtaken by a more dense school schedule, my working outside the home part time for the first time in years, and by editing video for our YouTube page.

The most recent video shows Ken and Travis looking at mostly names and a few words. I could blog about the boys' language development, but the videos speak for themselves, so check out out page if you haven't already.

So, how are we all doing almost seven months after the littles were added to our family? The boys have attached well. So well, I have to keep reminding myself to continue to be purposeful in attachment activities and behaviors on my part. The boys are almost inseparable. They are each other's best friend, playmate and brother. It's been a sweet joy to witness.

The older three Brownies continue to adore and help care for their new brothers. They are also sometimes irritated by them, which almost makes me as happy. They treat them like siblings, not like guests in our home. The other day, my firstborn, Hannah, said, "Mom, I just love them so much. When I think about them...or think about not having them...it makes me want to cry. I'm so glad I have toddler brothers because I get to snuggle and hold them all the time." And oh, how they love her! Both boys love their siblings. Tian has learned to ask for each of them by name any time I'm doing something he doesn't enjoy. He knows they melt when he asks for any one of them. The girls are both little mommas, helping dress the boys, scold the boys, and comfort them, too. TJ is an amazing big brother. He plays with them, roughhouses, but is also extremely protective and watchful over them. All five of our kids are blessed to have each other. We can see every day the joy they bring to each other, even with the typical sibling fighting mixed in.

Travis is proving to be generally very neat, tidy, and a tad obsessive-compulsive at times. He certainly likes things a certain way and will have a fit when it's not. He can be a typical fussy toddler, but that's not his typical mode. Mostly, he's extremely happy-go-lucky and easy-going.

Tian idolizes his brother. If Travis is out of sight, only seconds pass before Tian is asking, "Where's Travis?" Tian is also a happy kid, enjoying playing with his siblings, his trains, or a few toddler apps on my iPhone. He seems to have a bit of allergies and asthma. In fact, he's been sick for the past couple of days. We've had plenty of experience with this thanks to our firstborn, so we kinda know the drill. We just got albuterol for him today so we can start treatments with the nebulizer.

The older three Brownies are focused on school and home right now. They still have issues with neighborhood kids, but are navigating those problems well. They've spent the majority of the days outside with other kids and very little drama. Always a good sign.

Ken was recently given new responsibilities at his work and is loving it. I can't express how proud I am of him. He's always been so very talented in his work. It thrills me to see his employer making use of his skills. It's a great time to be with Z!

I'm working, freelance interpreting, for the first time in years. When we moved to Texas, I didn't have the time to build my own reputation professionally. School and home management were plenty for me to do. You'd think now would be the worst time to work, but it's been fun to get back out there. The beauty of my work is that I can set the schedule, working only when it "works" for my entire family.

The main focus of The Brown Seven right now is work, school and family. It's fun to see the boys' language allow them to show more of their personalities. I hope it's not too long before they are able to tell us more about their first two and three years of life.

Thanks for following us on our journey!

"Fixing" Our Boys

2012-01-23T01:38:00.000-06:00

"Are you going to fix his ear?"
"Is there something that could help him hear?"
"Did you know there's a great surgery that helps deaf people hear?"
"If a surgical procedure would allow your paraplegic child to walk wouldn't you do it?"

Being Deaf is unique compared to other differences such as being blind, unable to walk, having Down Syndrome. It's historically been difficult, even for Deaf people, to pinpoint exactly how it's different. I usually explain that the Deaf community shares a common language, norms, folklore, etc.; therefore they form a culture. But it's more than that. I think the real difference lies in acceptance.

If parents have child with Down Syndrome, they must come to a point of acceptance. They can't change the facts. They are forced to accept what is and give their child the tools needed to become successful in their life. If parents have a child who is blind, they are forced to accept it. There may be surgeries that help the child gain some vision (maybe not), but in the meantime, the child is not missing out on language. They are developing relationships with their family and community. The same goes for a child born with a limb difference or any variety of things.

For parents who have a deaf child, they are immediately told by medical professionals that the child can learn to "function as a hearing person" and "be a part of society" if only they don't sign and spend hours per day in speech and hearing training and have their child implanted. The parent misses the opportunity to simply accept the fact that their child is deaf. If parents could do just that first step, it would resolve so many problems.

If you've had some experience with the Deaf community, you'll know there is some anger, resentment, and defensiveness felt by some of its members regarding the issue of acceptance. There is a reason. Many parents held on to a "hearing dream" for their child, monopolizing a majority of the child's waking hours on speech therapy, hearing training, and avoiding gestural communication. This fact cut that deaf child off from the world, from their peers, and from their own parents. Here is the ASL sign that describes this constant focus on speech and hearing. It's a very dense sign:

Notice all of the attention is given to the areas that are NOT accessible to the child. The superhighway that is their eyes and the natural communicative tools that are the hands (and the rest of the entire body) are ignored.

Once parents accept that their child is deaf, then they can move on much like the parents of other children who have needs unfamiliar to the parent. [Notice I'm not saying acceptance is easy. Just necessary.] Once they accept "deaf", these parents of deaf kids can ask themselves, "What tools can I give my deaf child to allow him to succeed in life?" That would certainly mean using sign language in the home from day one. It would mean visiting with an audiologist to develop a plan to aid any hearing the child might have. It would mean meeting people in the Deaf community who could be role models to both the parents and the child. It would mean learning how to best meet the child's educational needs. It would mean learning to make life full of visual information for the child, constantly thinking of what their hearing peers learn by "overhearing" and making that information accessible to the child visually. It would mean speech training. All of these things would shine a light on their abilities.

This video, produced by ASLized says it perfectly. I would love for you to take the 6-7 minutes to watch it. It's amazing how much a simple change in vocabulary can change perspectives:

All of this to answer the questions:
"Will you fix his ear?"
Tian has microtia/atresia of one ear. We've researched the surgery that could rebuild an ear for him. The risks of the surgery outweigh the possible benefits. Even more invasive, we could attempt to have his ear canal surgically opened. If we did that, we would have to reconstruct the ear. At this point, he hears well enough that his right ear is not a concern to us. He signs, he talks, he communicates amazingly well. If, when he's older, he wants to look into a prosthetic ear, we will do that. If he wants to investigate opening his ear canal, we'll do that. For now, it's just not a big deal, so we don't want to waste precious days trying to "fix" something that is not a true problem. Even the medical website I linked above states that if the child had hearing in one year, "fixing" the "deformed" ear is elective.

"Is there something that could help him hear? Have you heard about that surgery?"
This is mostly asked in regards to Travis. He's profoundly deaf. Within the year, we will have a more thorough hearing test done with both boys, but for now, we know Travis is deaf. Totally deaf. The audiologist cranked her sound up to 95 dB and said, "He didn't even flinch." We can tell the same just by observing him. In China, he had an "abnormal" brainstem evoked potential, which also verified that his brain was not receiving sound signals. All of these facts let us know that hearing aids would likely be useless for him; nothing more than the cause of headaches.

As for a cochlear implant, it's not even something we would consider at this point. Even if he had one, it wouldn't make him hearing, even if it "worked" which is unlikely for him.

Will we send the boys to speech training? Sure! If we find that hearing aids would benefit Tian, we would use them. The point it that we focus on their abilities. We avoid medical procedures that are risky, time-consuming, and carry a low chance of success for our boys. Even if we DID ever implant one of the boys, we wouldn't follow the medical professional's advice to not sign.

Our kids don't need "fixing." They need love, support, tools to use for life, experiences, education, God, role models, mentors, community. There is plenty for them to do and learn without .... [insert the ASL sign I showed you above].

Our Little YouTube Stars

2012-01-12T00:05:00.000-06:00

You all know I've been posting videos and blogging about the boys' language development. This blog began as a way for friends, family and others interested in adoption to follow our journey to one son. During that process, the one son became two sons and now here we are! The Brown Seven! Our most recent video has not gone "viral" according to YouTube standards, but it's gone viral according to our standards and it's been fun! I've enjoyed receiving emails and comments from people all over the US and even other countries.

The boys have attached to us unusually well, so I didn't have a lot of "adoption issues" to blog about. The focus of my blog naturally transitioned to the language development happening in our home. Even with our backgrounds in the Deaf World (husband is Deaf, I'm a fluent signer for over 15 years), Ken and I were daily astounded at what we were seeing in front of our face. So we began filming the boys when we could and sharing their progress online.

We had three birth children before adopting the boys. Of course, we signed with all three of them and they could each sign before they could talk, but it was different with them. We made some mistakes along the way, and Ken was gone all day at work, so the kids and I talked without signing the majority of our day. The kids would sign in the evenings when Ken was home, but only if he was in the same room. Because of this, we found ourselves having to work extra hard to play "catch up" around the time they were 8, 6, and 4. Their speech had quickly passed their ASL ability, which is not a good thing when one of your parents is Deaf. They could always sign, but during this time we realized we had all just gotten lazy and Ken and I had let them slide when it came to ASL fluency. The younger two would often depend on the oldest to communicate for them. Well, several arguments and a LOT of hard, strategic work later, the kids caught up. I'm thankful we caught and corrected our mistake back then because they are truly, naturally bilingual. It's a beautiful thing!

With the boys, it's been immensely different. Ken and I learned from our mistakes the first time, so are much more strategic (I use that word often) in the way we communicate and require the boys to communicate back to us. A contributing factor is that Travis is Deaf. Since he's Deaf, the kids and I sign all day. Tian has to sign in order to communicate with his best playmate, closest friend and brother. The older Brownies model language to the boys all day long. Ken and I do, the boys grandparents sign when we see them every week. The consistant exposure to language that is accessible to them is the major reason the boys have progressed so quickly. We homeschool, so both boys are exposed to ASL 24/7. Tian hears us speak, too. He hears the TV, radio, and lots of overheard conversation, so I don't worry about his speech. When he does choose to talk, he's speaking very well. He chooses to sign more often, which makes sense considering his environment.

I can't imagine where they would be if we had wasted these first six months with them taking them to audiologist appointments, speech classes, and trying to figure out language apart from their superhighway eyes! Will we eventually do hearing aids? Possibly for Tian, but it Travis is 100% Deaf, so hearing aids are pointless for him. Will we do speech classes? Yes! We'll most likely try those out some time this year even. It just won't be the center of our hopes, our joy, our world, or the value we place on the boys.

But I digress...

Tian came to us just two days before his second birthday. We quickly realized he could hear well at least on his left side. He would babble, but our Chinese guides told us that other than two "baby-talk" words, he wasn't saying anything understandable. When spoken to in Mandarin, he seemed to understand a lot. He would communicate with us by pointing, whining, crying, smiling, and saying two words we weren't sure about.

Travis, who had just turned three, came to us with ZERO language. His only form of communication was pointing, crying, laughing or facial expressions. He could hear absolutely nothing, so we knew that meant he had lived three years with no language. When he was really upset, he would bang his head on the floor or crib. He would hit himself on the head. He would drool. He would also giggle and laugh and smile when he was happy.

First evening together. Travis doesn't like Tian to get too close.

The head-banging stopped after about two or three days. The drooling stopped a few days after that. Within a week, he was communicating to us that he wanted to eat, drink, or go potty. Now, six months after we first met, the boys can communicate way beyond basic needs. They have more words than we can count. Travis, being a year older, can pick out and identify objects as being the "same," loves "I Spy" books and can play Memory games. He has started re-telling events. For example, his sister told him that his Nana and Pappy were coming to visit and would be here soon. A little later, when his dad came upstairs for lunch, Travis ran to him, tapped him, and told him that Nana and Pappy would be here soon. Both boys are able to play with language, teasing us by knowingly using the wrong sign. Travis teaches his little brother by holding his hand and forcing it into the correct shape. I caught him doing this with the difficult-for-a-two-year-old word: GOAT. I wish I could capture every moment on video, but I'll settle for these memories to live in my heart!

Thanks to all of you for following this blog and our You Tube channel.

Chatting in the Car

2012-01-06T22:49:00.000-06:00

New Year, New Perspective

2012-01-01T16:54:00.000-06:00

Happy 2012!! I don't know about you, but that number astounds me! As one born in the 1970s, the 2000's seemed a futuristic, impossible dream, but here we are. We can connect with people all over the world in a matter of seconds, fly across the globe in half a day, open a "marauder's map" of sorts and see where we are in this vast, yet small world. Before visiting a new place, I can walk the streets virtually before ever touching down in the city. I can ask my phone to show me the way home, tell me the temperature, call my mom, text my husband or find the answer to any (and I mean ANY) question and she will try and most often succeed. (I just called my phone "she!") If I lose my coveted phone, my computer can find it for me. We are living in the Jetson's world. Better yet, we're living in early Star Trek world. Minus warp speed and medical tricorder. Come to think of it, the MRI is a tricorder of sorts, but not handheld; not yet anyway.

The world has changed greatly for Deaf people as well. Check out this video from DeafNation.

We Are Deaf

I have a special prayer in my heart for parents who have deaf children. Accept who they are. Accept that they are deaf. Choices you make regarding choclear implants, hearing aids, and speech are of little consequence to me. What I DO pray for you is that you will give your baby or toddler language visually, and that you'll be willing to do the hard thing by learning an entirely new way of communicating with him or her. I pray that they would never feel like you see them as "less" or "imperfect" until they reach a level of oralism that pleases you. If you're always hoping for them to be more "hearing," they will feel it. They'll know it. No matter how skilled they become orally or hearing with aides, they will always be deaf. Accept them where they are and run with their abilities! Give them ASL, give them hearing aids, send them to speech training, but give them visual language first so that they have that foundation on which to build whatever else it is you dream together. Be inspired by this film and by all of the Deaf role models out there. May this be the best year for your entire family.

For more inspiration:
The Pearls at The M Projects
DeafNation.com
Deaf Mom Shares Her World with lots of links for parents with Deaf/HH kids.
Through Deaf Eyes, a PBS Documentary that can be rented or viewed on Netflix streaming.

If you know more inspiring links, please share!

Let's Talk About Tian

2011-12-30T18:00:00.000-06:00

Most of my posts about language development have centered on Travis, who is deaf. His language progress has intrigued me because 1: he's my first deaf child 2: he came to us having been exposed to no formal language.

Tian, however, has made amazing language strides in his own right! When we first read his file, we assumed he was at least hard-of-hearing, if not deaf. As we read more about microtia and atresia and got more information on Tian, we quickly realized we needed to keep an open mind because he most probably could hear. Now that he's been home with us almost 6 months, we can tell that he not only can hear, but seems to have keen hearing in many circumstances. Just this morning, he heard the faint sound of a faraway helicopter outside, perked up and signed, "helicopter!" Other times, it seems he doesn't hear some things, but that may just be his age.

Obviously, he doesn't have complete hearing in his right ear. That's evidenced in the fact that the canal is closed and in how he turns a complete 360 degrees to look for a sound coming from his right.

When we first met Tian, he was two day away from his second birthday. He would say about three things in Mandarin that sounded to us like "way-uh" "doe-uh" and "nye." We were told that he was just babbling, but that one phrase meant "go" and another meant "here we are" or "we are here." Other than that, he wasn't talking. Reports given to us by his foster family and welfare institute also said he wasn't speaking. I've showed him photos of his foster mom, who I'm told was referred to as "nie nie" (grandmother), but have never gotten him to say it verbally. We've also had Chinese friends, both in China and here at home, count to ten to try to get him to repeat the words, but he never would.

In the almost six months we've had him, Tian's language has grown exponentially in both ASL and spoken English. For the first two months home, Tian would speak and gesture very generically. He couldn't form the "I love you" hand-shape among others, but would try to sign as best he could with his limited fine-motor skills. Over the past couple of months, he's been able to form the "I love you" hand-shape and a lot more! It's been fun to see his ASL vocabulary grow. He's speaking less and signing more, which doesn't concern us in the least. He overhears plenty of spoken language and does verbalize quite a bit, so if signing is his preference right now, we know that won't harm him in the least. (I can't wait until he grows up so we can prove this fact.)

When he wakes from a nap, the first thing he does is ask (signing),"Where's Travis?"
He says/signs "better!" For example, yesterday, the batteries in his airplane were drained. He brought the airplane to me, signing, "broken." I told him we needed to put in new batteries. (He also signs "batteries.") After the batteries were replaced, he ran into his room, tested it out, then ran back in to me signing/saying "better!"
He says "Potty" and "pew peewww." The way he signs "poop" is too cute. He signs is correctly but upside-down.
Another cute word he says and signs is "hot toto!" (cocoa) He signs "HOT CHOCOLATE."

He corrects his brother, which drives Travis crazy. The other day, Travis was sitting on the couch, unhappy about whatever was happening, kicking his feet. Tian walked over to Travis, pushed down on his ankles, attempted to "flick" Travis' leg, then signed, "NO NO! UNDERSTAND?"

Here are a few pictures and videos of Tian. Enjoy!

Balancing the Bios

2011-12-30T02:55:00.000-06:00

Although they make rare appearances here, we DO have three older kids. However you want to say it: birth kids, original 3, biological children, fruit of our loins, made in America. Some of those are politically incorrect and one is just gross, but they are all terms that could be/have been used to describe the oldest three Brownies.

Could you just die? December 2006

Five years later, they would NEVER agree to do this pose! They love their brother, but would no longer be willing to smooch him on the cheek and have it saved as a framable photo forever. Ah, the sweet, younger years.

The three oldest kids have had quite a 2011! They moved from a kids' dream house and neighborhood into an apartment half the size of the house. They went from having their own room to sharing a room. They left the street that held some of their dearest friends. They happily, and without a second thought, gave up a spring cruise on the Disney Dream, were content with a very humble holidays, and heard lots of, "No, we can't afford to do that right now" statements from their parents.

If you asked any of them if they regretted one sacrifice, they would say no, then talk about how having their brothers is more than worth any of those things. Do they sometimes miss those things? Certainly! But there is no comparison.

The Brownies are far from perfect kids. They are imperfect, just like their parents. They are sometimes selfish, whiney, lazy, and ornery, also like their parents. But, they are also selfless, considerate, open-minded, willing, passionate and giving. That has all been evidenced over this past year.

Before you feel too sorry for all they've given up, understand what they've gained. Above all, brothers. That's priceless. They also enjoyed a month in China, traveling to 5 different provinces and cities. Thanks to another's kindness, they were able to fly first class both to and from China. They got to witness 14 sets of parents welcome their baby to the family for the first time. They rode a ski lift up to the Great Wall, walked this one of the Seven Wonders of the World, then toboggan-slid back down! While they have sacrificed much this year, they've also had a year of adventure.

The kids have grown up a lot this year; not only due to becoming big brother and sisters to two toddlers, but also because they've had to live among some difficult people and situations. They've been bullied, teased and ridiculed really for the first time in their lives. Other kids have attacked the Brownies personally, as well as our family. They've taken shots at the fact that they have a Deaf dad, a signing family, adopted brothers, a big family in a small home, and a close-knit family. Some of these instances have made them cry (and made ME flaming mad) and some have made us all laugh. The kids were most recently teased because they like to spend time with their family. We have fun together. The kids tell us just about everything, including telling on themselves when they are less-than-perfect. Some other kids can't seem to handle it. They don't understand it, so they ridicule my kids for it. Thankfully, that is one insult that just makes our kids feel very sorry for the ones teasing them.

Being a close family is something Ken and I are strategic about and unapologetic for. We WANT the kids to feel like they have the most fun when we are together. We know as they get older, they'll have more and more fun with their friends and not always with us. That's a good thing! But we want many of our times together to be fun-filled and memorable.

We spend a LOT of time inside these four walls doing pretty mundane activities: school, chores, cooking meals, chores, cleaning up after the boys, school and more chores. We also don't believe kids need to be entertained every moment (or even a majority of the moments) of the day. We don't have cable, extensive gaming systems nor a TV in every room. But...

But we do want to provide ways for us to have fun and have fun together or at least here around the house. In our family, that could be board games such as UNO or Yahtzee, watching endless episodes of iCarly or The Cosby Show, Wii games such as Harry Potter Lego or Just Dance, and this year, lots and lots of wheels! Skateboards, scooters, bikes, Striders, Ripstiks, and a ramp to add an element of excitement. Boy, that ramp has drawn a fairly large crowd of kids to our driveway this past week!

Ken's and my anniversary is next week. We'll be celebrating 15 years of marriage! What a blessing! Instead of a fancy dinner out that would be over in 2 hours, we decided for the first time ever to get season passes to our local amusement park. We surprised the kids tonight and they're already anticipating our first visit of 2012. Now Ken and I have our date nights set and paid for the entire year!! (We are rollercoaster-lovers.) We also can take the older three kids on special one-on-one dates, or have one of us take all three of them once every few weeks. We can take the littles, too. Tian is free until July and Travis' ticket will be fairly cheap. But with so much focused on their two new brothers, Ken and I wanted to do something special just for the older three.

Just Dance!

Ken and I are both so thankful for our oldest three kids. They have been our training ground. They've grown us. They've humbled us, tested us, and worn us out at times. They also swell our hearts with pride and love.

Keeping the Boys' Pasts

2011-12-24T06:16:00.000-06:00

One of the many things I took away from the various adoption blogs I read and on Beth O'Malley's newsletters about creating lifebooks, was this:

Don't forget that your adopted child had a life before they came into your family.

It seems many adoptive parents have made the mistake of telling the child's life story beginning at "gotcha" day or the day the parents first saw their file.

This came to mind this Christmas as we were decorating the tree. Each of my birth kids were given an ornament to commemorate their first, second and third Christmases.

I considered how to commemorate the boys' first Christmases. Without previous consideration, I may have called this year their "first Christmas," but it wasn't! Before we met them, Travis lived through 3 Christmases and Tian, 2. So I began a search for ornaments for the boys. My first thought was to search eBay for year-appropriate ornaments similar to their older siblings'. But as I looked, I thought we should find a way to keep their Chinese heritage in the equation.

A search for "Chinese Christmas ornaments" turned up some interesting ideas. But my affection and wallet landed on these sweet ornaments:

They are pretty small, so I used a fine-point permanent marker to write the year and Christmas number on the bead. I'm happy with the results! I hope they will cherish these through the years and be able to reflect on their first two and three years in China.

Dinnertime Chatting

2011-12-23T07:49:00.001-06:00

Last night, as we were finishing up dinner, I noticed Ken and Travis visiting about some of the China photos they were viewing.

This map, along with another map showing us flying east to China, was one of the photos they were looking at. I started recording the video when Ken was explaining who flew TO China, then who all flew back to the USA.

In the first segment of the video, Travis is mimicking everything Ken signs which, in this case, is each of our names. Hearing kids do this same type of mimicking when they learn to converse. (At this point, Travis knows all of our names and can identify each of us by name. He can also identify a number of other people by name or title.)

After scrolling through a few more photos, then returning to the map again, Travis points at the map and happily states, "Travis!" Travis was on this flight! Ken corrects him. I love the look on his face. You can tell he totally thought he was stating a fact. So he tentatively asks, "Tian?" Was Tian on this flight?
Ken answers, "No," then shows Travis the photo of flight home from China, explaining, "Travis and Tian were on THIS flight home."

In the second segment, the were looking at a picture from several years ago, so Ken tells him it's an "old picture." "Picture" is a new sign for Travis, so Ken helps him express it correctly. Compared to parents with hearing kids, this is just like helping them correctly pronounce a difficult word. (You'll also see TJ in this clip! He was telling us that Tian had to potty and so I told Tian to "run!" to the bathroom. :) I removed the sound, because in a family of 7, there's a lot of noise!)

In the third segment, Ken and Travis are looking at photos Ken took that day while he was on the tarmac in the airplane. They're looking at the planes waiting at the gates. Ken was showing him which plane was small and which one was big. Right now, Travis can sign these words, but doesn't grasp the concept 100% yet. By watching this conversation though, I can tell he's very close to the light bulb moment of understanding "big" and "small." I can also tell he knows that they are opposite, because when he names the plane "big" and Ken tells him no, he corrects himself, signing "small." (I love these insights into his brain process! We wouldn't have these without ASL. We'd be stuck gesturing, mouthing words that look like nonsense to Travis; and we'd have one very frustrated little boy.)

I love the last clip. This is a conversation Travis knows well and understands without thinking about it. We've been asking him since China if he wants more to eat. He knows when he doesn't want any more food, he answers "no." Here, he even adds, "Finished." Now that he knows those concepts, Ken adds one more word that means the same thing as "No, I'm finished eating." "FULL." Then Ken tells Travis he's getting up to get coffee (another item Travis is fully familiar with in this family)!

I'm going to purpose to record more conversations. Travis is ready to work on learning to identify numbers, so I'll try to get some of that learning on video. We know he's ready because he can count to 10 and when he looks at a number on a page, he will begin signing random numbers, although not the correct number. He does the same thing with letters. When he sees a letter, he begins signing "B."

It's been a while since I taught preschoolers, but it's time again! Thanks for sticking with me through this explanation. The acquisition of language fascinates me, plus I happen to adore these two guys in the video, so you'll be seeing more of this!

Making Everything Visual

2011-12-20T17:03:00.002-06:00

A while back, I blogged about the differences in rearing a Deaf child compared to a hearing child. Something else came to mind this week as we were playing and being silly with the boys.

In the past, when my kids were toddlers and were upset about something, I could often soothe them by singing a song with their name in it. Other times, when we were dancing or being silly, I would have them follow me while I marched and chanted their name. They would always look a little stunned, then grin from ear-to-ear and even get a little shy at the sound of their name expressed in such a fun way.

Not long after getting back to the states with the boys, we were marching around the couch, playing follow-the-leader. The kids and I started chanting Tian's name over and over again while clapping in unison and he loved it! He reacted just like my older kids had when they were little. I thought about Travis and wondered for a moment how I could duplicate this event so he could enjoy it, too. I quickly realized it's as easy as making whatever we are doing visual. So, I let the older kids in on my plan and we started marching in unison while signing in rhythm, alternating hands: "Travis!..Travis!..TravisTravisTravis!" When Travis saw what we were doing, guess what he did?! The exact same thing my hearing kids had all done!! He looked a little stunned, grinned from ear-to-ear, laughed, and gave us a shy look since he was obviously getting all the attention! He loved it! Making this auditory tradition into a visual event was easy and everyone enjoyed it equally.

Another event occurred last week. It had been raining outside for two days and the song "Itsy Bitsy Spider" came to my mind. I was in the bedroom with Tian, getting him ready for a nap. I began to sing the song, doing the hand-movements right along with it. Tian was curious, but not totally intrigued by the song. I thought about how I would do that song with Travis, who was sleeping in the other room. The hand movements look nothing like real signed language, so I figured I should change it for Tian as well.

I decided to STOP singing and just sign it. As I did this, there were a few things I did or kept in mind:

1. I signed the story in a way that made sense.
If I just signed:
SPIDER-CRAWLING-UP, WATER, PIPE, RAIN, SPIDER, OUT, SUN-up, DRY, ALL, RAIN...etc, that makes absolutely NO sense to a deaf child or hard-of-hearing child who is learning ASL.

2. I signed the story rhythmically.
The rhythm didn't match the original song, but who cares?!

3. I signed with super-expression.
This helps match the silliness and catchiness of the song.

4. I set up the song by telling a story first, then later gave them context.
When I first introduced this song, I told it like a story. I set up a house with gutters, the rainy day, etc. I spent time telling it like a story. I also took the opportunity next time it rained to show the boys the rain coming down the gutter. Right there in the middle of the rain, I signed the song so that they could have context to link to the entire thing.

After writing up this blog, I googled and found this excellent rendition by Terrylene at Clerc's Children.

Mine was not nearly as succinct, but the boys loved it! It looked a little like this:

One last note: You may wonder why I would take the time to teach the kids a nursery rhyme. I do it just because it's fun and will give them some cultural information they may use later. My husband is completely oblivious to most nursery rhymes or even Christmas songs, yet he's happy and very successful. I don't bank my boys' future on little things like these nursery rhymes, but I want to sing, sign, and play with them, so I figure why not use these things to build their vocabulary and cultural knowledge? Hearing parents, don't settle for believing that your deaf child can't enjoy nursery rhymes and songs. Just imagine being in their shoes, getting the information visually, and break away from how it's "always been done." Then have fun with your kid!

Family Photos

2011-12-16T19:27:00.000-06:00

We had a great time getting our family photos done a few weeks ago. Check out Veronica Skeldon Photography if you're in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.

This was our first time to do a "real life" shoot instead of sitting in a studio. I really liked the feel that came from these photos. I'm having a tough time picking favorites, though! This shoot reminded me of the one we did a year ago with the picture frame. I remember dreaming about what it might be like to have the boys with us. It's still surreal at times that we DO have them. When I'm putting them to bed at night and gaze on their sweet, sleeping faces, I have to pinch myself.

Language Milestones

2011-12-02T23:42:00.001-06:00

Tonight at dinner, we caught a video of Travis (age 3 1/2 in years, but only 4 1/2 months in language), "babbling."

It reminds me of this viral video of a hearing girl babbling. Babbling is normally something kids do beginning at a very young age, then as they get closer to one year, their babbling begins to sound more like words, even though they are still unintelligible. Just like the hearing parents respond to this girl by talking to her normally, as if they know what she's saying, we respond to Travis as if we are comprehending every word he's signing.

What's interesting about Travis, being 3 years old, but only 4 months old in language development. He matches many of his 3-year milestones, but is also behind some of them. All the while, he's hitting milestones for 12-24 months.

His most recent advances in communication:

He clearly and consistently tell us "yes" when he wants something and "no" when he doesn't. For "no," he uses both the proper sign for the word, and will sometimes appropriately wave his hand gesturally and shake his head. It's SO cute and such an improvement from the fussing, head-turning, and pushing away that he did in the past.
He is beginning to ask for a specific color of something. Right now, he seems to just know blue and red, but I know from my other kids, that means the other colors will quickly follow.
He's understanding turn-taking in conversation. At church, a friend came up to visit with us. When she stopped talking and looked at him, he started signing, "Airplane, helicopter, car, truck." It was just a string of his favorite things, but he understood that he was "visiting" with this gal. He is also beginning to "chat" with his little brother.
He (obviously if you watch the video) knows that people communicate with their mouths as well. He will mimic speech, and even "talk" on the phone to grandparents.
He is getting better at paying attention while we get out a short, but complete thought to him.
He loves to tell his siblings, "No!" I must get this on video, because it's too adorable.
He's using language to joke around. He's pointed to something, then signed the wrong thing, laughing, knowing he's being funny. He will also "tease" his siblings by telling them "No!" then smiling and giggling about it.
He will sign, "WHERE, ______, WHERE?" Then shrug his shoulders or sign, "SEARCH." He uses appropriate non-manual markers. This would be equivalent to a hearing child saying, with all the right inflection "Where is my jet? I'm looking for it."
He copies every...single...thing...we sign. Whether we're asking him something or telling him something, he mimics everything right back to us, often sign-by-sign. We love this because it's another normal, on-track language milestone.

Overall, we are still astounded at the rate he's soaking up language. I need to try to capture more of his signing on video. I hope parents with young deaf children will see these videos and be encouraged to sign with their kids!

Thankful

2011-11-23T22:57:00.000-06:00

In honor of the Thanksgiving holiday, I thought this would be an appropriate time to list just a few of the things I'm thankful for, specifically over the past year. Let me be clear. I'm not just generally thankful, like, "Thanks, Universe, for randomly happening so that the events of my life might be what they are at this moment." I'm thankful specifically to the God of the Universe for the people, circumstances, gifts, location on the planet, material items; the list could go on and on. In fact, here it is:

My husband, who has been my partner in life, worthy leader, loved daddy of my kids, and best friend for the past 15 years and will be from now through eternity.
Hannah, our firstborn who is sensitive, helpful, and soft-hearted.
Mackenzie, our little pixie girl, who is delightful, happy, and obedient.
TJ, now our oldest son, who is ALL boy, but still loves his momma and isn't afraid to show it.
Travis, who we first saw in picture one year ago this week. We only knew him as XE1010.8.2, but now he's 100% our son! He's a joy, constantly smiling, being silly, and smarter than we ever could have imagined.
Tian, our little guy who started it all and rocked our world forever. He's such a delight, full of giggles and singing.
The fact that my kids truly like being around each other and Ken and me. Lord, may that continue throughout adolescence!
The adoption, a miracle in itself. If you don't believe me, go back and read from the beginning.
Our social worker, whom we've grown to love.
CCAI, our agency. We couldn't have asked for better guides through the entire process.
CCCWA and the Chinese people, government, country who graciously allowed us to enter their country and bring home two of their precious children.
Both boys' birthparents, for choosing life and well-being for their boys.
Tian's foster mom and family.
Both boys' many aunties and uncles who helped care for them for their first years.
The China trip and that our 3 Brownies were able to travel with us.
The miracle that we all five got TO China together and that all seven of us got BACK to the USA together flying standby! Even the flight attendants were astounded!
The Deaf friends we were able to meet in China.
The sale of our house earlier this year. It was on the market three months and we've seen some houses in our area on the market an entire year.
Our new place we've been calling home for the past six months.
The funds we needed (Nearly $45,000) to bring our boys home. Miraculous.
The generous grant from JSC Foundation and the new friend who followed the Holy Spirit's leading to tell me about it.
The people who gave sacrificially to help us, whether it was a meal, a crib, clothes for the boys, $50 or $1000. Our friends and even friends of friends and family astounded us with their selflessness.
For the friend who made it possible for us to afford flying our kids with us to China.
Our church, where God put us at just the right time.
Our church, for providing a special classroom for the boys as well as Mrs. Courtney for making the drive to our campus just to be with our boys so Ken and I can attend church.
Our Deaf ministry group and our new home group. We've prayed for this for the past four years and God has proved Himself faithful yet again.
The FAM (Foster and Adopt Ministry) group of ladies at church. I love them even though I've only gotten together with them a couple of times.

There is so much more I could list, from extended family, to food and clean water, to friends and health and abundance. God, may I use it for Your glory and never forget to thank You for all of it.

If this isn't enough, we kept a detailed prayer request page here on this blog. I've left it up because I never want to forget how God provided for us over and over and over again.

May I keep the attitude of these three guys from the book of Daniel. They chose to serve God regardless of God's action in the moment. They knew God was good regardless of circumstances.

"Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” (Daniel 3, emphasis mine.)

First Dentist Visit

2011-11-22T21:03:00.001-06:00

The boys did fabulously today at the dentist. I'll let the photos tell the story.

The boys have come here twice before for siblings' appointments.

The train is always a hit!

Already opening wide!

See your clean, shiny teeth?

Tian brushes the doggie's (or is it a kangaroo?) teeth! (This would have terrified Travis!)

Cool in his shades.

She said, "I wish they were all this good!"

Growing By Leaps and Bounds

2011-11-19T23:10:00.000-06:00

Language, I mean. Their language astounds us every day.

I'm posting these videos to show parents (and plead with those parents) who have deaf kids that it's never too early nor too late to start signing with your kids!! The sooner, the better, but if you're a parent who, for whatever reason, chose not to sign with your kids, it's not too late to start. You may be scared when you hear that there is an optimal "language window" from birth to 4 or 5. You may feel nervous that you've let that window pass while chasing an "oral dream." Don't be nervous! Just start learning. Start signing! Start giving your child access to language. They can certainly work on speech and hearing as they grow, but don't deny them language NOW! :)

Here is Travis. At three years old, he had NO language. After four months with us, he's "re-reading" the book I just read to him. Sorry about the poor video quality. I was filming this at night in a dark room as the boys were preparing for bedtime. As for the jarring bumps, that's Tian, hitting my arm, trying to get my attention to watch what HE's signing.

Here's what Tian was doing. Tian can hear and will speak, but prefers signing right now. He's just 28 months, but can name everything in this book. He's not just regurgitating. Both boys use these words (and over 200 more) in context every day. And this is after just four months of exposure to ASL.

Life With a Deaf Child

2011-11-15T17:06:00.001-06:00

After parenting three biological children for the past almost 12 years and now parenting two adopted toddlers for 4 months (seems like so much longer than that), I've begun to make some observations in comparing the two.

More than the "adopted" difference, I see a difference in how we parent Travis since he's completely deaf. Here are a few things that I've noted as different from how I parented my first three and even how I parent Tian.

Crying for seemingly no reason.
In the beginning, Tian did this now and then, mostly in the middle of his nap or at bed time. Those episodes quickly stopped, though. Now he cries when most kids cry: when he's hurt or when he's not getting his way.
Travis will still cry sometimes when we have no clue what he wants. He will be pointing and crying, but we can't figure out what it is he wants. He's perfectly able to tell us he wants water or milk. He can tell us "No, I don't want that" when we offer him something. He can tell us he sees someone crying and is sad. He can ask where his airplane went. He can tell us what clothes he prefers to wear, that he wants to go outside to play, that he thinks he's funny, that he wants to color, that he wants a towel to dry off his face, that he wants a kiss, a hug, or that he loves us. When we leave, he can tell us he'll see us soon. If there is something he can't express, he's pretty good at leading us to it so that we can understand then teach him the sign for it.

But there is still an inability to communicate everything. At this point, neither of the boys can express everything they are thinking. Partially because of their age (especially Tian, being just 28 months), but also somewhat due to lack of language for Travis. Because of the language gap, which happens to be closing very quickly, we still have a few moments now and then when we simply can't figure out what Travis wants or is upset about. Thanks to American Sign Language, though, these occurrences are few and far between.

Using voice as a soother.
I didn't realize how often I used my voice as a soother for the kids. I will say in a soft, sing-song voice, "It's okay. Mommy is here." I can use that voice to calm a hearing child even when I'm out of their sight, such as when they are in their car seat and I'm driving, or when I'm taking a moment to put down my books and papers to make my way into their room when I hear them crying. Travis loses those auditory cues, so I find ways to make them visual.

Facial expression.
A furrowed brow of concern may look a lot like the furrowed brow of anger. I figured that out the first time I checked to see if Travis was okay 1after he accidentally rammed his head into Hannah's nose. Along those same lines, my smiling face saying in a sing-song voice, "Time to come inside!" can lead Travis to believe I'm just playing and don't really mean it. I've had to pay close attention to my facial expression and give more thought to what he is seeing minus sound.

Getting face-to-face contact.
This is the big one. When Travis doesn't like what I'm telling him, he just turns his head to the side, looking away. I lead his chin back toward me and he rolls his eyes as far off to the side as possible. I move over into his line of vision and he looks off the other way. When I'm correcting him or giving him an instruction or warning, I have to slow down, decide it may take a few extra seconds of my life, and deal with it. He's figured out that I can wait out his attempts to ignore me, so it doesn't usually take more than several seconds to get him to look at me long enough to finish a thought. Often, though, it looks like this:
"Travis, look at Mom....Push.."
Travis looks away.
"Push Tian."
He turns again. I cup his chin in my hand, helping him stay focused.
"Push Tian. No...Not.."
He turns again. I lean into his line of vision. He cries.
Once he's finished fussing a little, I get his attention back.
"Push. Not nice. Tell Tian..."
More beaking eye gaze. More directing of the head.
"Tell Tian sorry."

Whew! I don't see how parents who have deaf kids, but don't know ASL manage. I assume they must have angry kids and they must be stressed out themselves. The process I described above really doesn't stress me out. (Trust me, there are plenty of things that do!) I just sit there and think about Ken and all the stories his mom, aunts and grandma have told about how he would sit down and shut his eyes when he didn't want to "listen." Ken came through it a good kid and so will his son.

Reading books.
As toddlers, my three birth kids were voracious book-listeners. From infancy, I would read to them. When they were old enough to walk, they would go grab a book and run, diaper making that "swooshing" diaper sound as they ran to me, book in hand, then would climb up on the couch for me to read a story. I can't say for sure it's a Deaf thing, because neither of the littles can sit long enough to get through an entire story. Tian did sit through The Napping House the other day, but that's the only story book he's tolerated in four months. Travis won't tolerate more than one or two pages of a story book, if even that. He loves to sit and look at books on his own terms. He adores picture books and wants us to teach him signs for everything he sees. But story books? No way. Not happening. (Sometime soon, I'll post a blog and video showing how we interact with books with Travis.) I know the day will come when they will both like being read to, but that time is not now.

It's a joy to be rearing all five of my kids. Each of them bring their own challenges. I consider it a privilege to be Mom to all of them, Deaf, hearing, and in between.

Walking In the Light

2011-11-11T22:06:00.000-06:00

Over the past several months, even before we left for China, I've been feeling like I'm wandering without direction. For almost an entire year leading up to the adoption, our lives were consumed with paperwork, homestudy, grant applications, budgeting, selling a house, moving, unpacking, more paperwork, and waiting. A lot of our schoolwork and anything resembling a "normal" schedule went out the window during those months.

Once we had settled into our new place, we also reached the end of our paper chase and began the couple of months of just waiting. During that time, I purposed to get a lot accomplished, but didn't. I think that waiting time began my season of wandering. (Yes, I mean wandering and not wondering, although a lot of that was going on, too.)

Almost immediately after we started the adoption process, I started dumping outside responsibilities. At the time I was serving on the board of our amazing homeschool co-op, facilitating our monthly homeschool support meetings, teaching a for-credit ASL class, and co-managing the kids' summer swim team. I ended my summer commitment with the swim team and let them know I'd slowly bow out over the year and that someone else would need to lead the summer '11 season. I wrote a letter to our co-op board to say I could no longer sacrifice the huge time commitment it required. I began looking for a replacement to take my ASL students that wanted to continue one more semester. Our homeschool support group went through a transition during the time I began seeking a replacement to plan and facilitate the meetings and I slowly reduced my involvement with that group. In addition to all of that, I stopped going to my boot camp class I had been attending three times per week. (In 2010, "boot" and "camp" were in my top 5 most-used words in my Facebook status updates.)

Letting go of those things was the right thing to do. I have no regrets! I needed that time before our China trip to pour into my birth kids. We spent a lot of time (aimless as it might have been) taking trips here locally, playing outside, and just hanging out together. Once we moved, then after we brought the boys home, it was crucial that I had nothing going on other than focusing on my family.

However, now that our family is getting settled, I'm feeling disconnected form outside life.

Because of the season of life I'm in (nearing 40, newly-expanded family, major life-changing move, and weight gain that ticks me off greatly), I've been experiencing days feeling very low. I've blogged before about how I don't like using the word "depressed" lightly, so I don't think I'll use it here. But I've been feeling dark, low, melancholy, aimless, and tired.

I know a few naysayers are thinking, "Why did she adopt 2 kids? She's too overwhelmed." To you, I say, "Ppppht! This is real life. I had short seasons of this type of feeling all through my life at different stages. I adore my family, my husband and ALL FIVE of my kids. I've known myself all my life and the number of kids I have has nothing to do with my own moods I'm having at the moment, thank you very much." (I know naysayers are out there because these very things have been said to me directly, so I wanted to make myself clear.)

I have an excellent husband. While I've been sitting back, hoping he'd just read my mind and my moods, he's kinda been clueless. He travels. A lot lately. When he is home, I don't want to be cranky and whiney (trust me, I've played that game before and it's no fun for anyone), so I just buck up and deal with my feelings on my own. Since I didn't tell him how I've been feeling, he didn't know. Go figure.

The problem with not telling him or someone is that is the feelings just fester and grow. Due to the festering, I've been feeling, really for the first time in my life, bouts of not only aimlessness, but anger. Real anger that I physically feel burning in my chest. For me, I spew ugliness out of my mouth when I'm angry and my older kids have gotten to receive the brunt of my anger, especially this last week.

My kids keep me in check and humble me to my knees. Just today, after having a much better couple of days, I told the kids I was sorry I had been in such a bad mood over the past few weeks. They said, "You haven't been in a bad mood! You're the nicest mom!" Hannah sent me an email card that told me I was the best mom ever and she was lucky I was her mom. *heartbreak* I sure hadn't felt like the best mom.

So what am I going to do about this darkness I feel I'm walking in right now? Well, first of all, I did tell my husband what I've been feeling. I made sure he understood that none of the feelings I have come from anything he or the kids do. It's just how I'm feeling. I almost wish it was something he or the kids were doing. Then they could just quit and I'd feel better, right?

Ken encouraged me to get out once or twice a week, whether it be to work, attend our monthly support group meeting (which I am beginning to facilitate again), exercise or just have some time alone to blog, work on school plans, or have quiet time to seek God's direction. Along those lines, I took a day last week to fast and pray about what God wants me to do and how He'd have me do those things. That prayer led to an answer just today when a friend emailed me about going to boot camp. She's willing to drive an hour to attend and that put my 15-minute drive excuse to shame. It was just the support I was praying for. I know God will provide the same help to me for homeschooling, time management, and other areas in which I'm struggling right now. Ken is right here by my side as well and I need to lean on him more than I do instead of trying "not to bug him."

Here are some encouraging reminders from God's Word related to some of the feelings I've been having:

Darkness

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Aimless

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

Hopeless

LORD, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.

When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

Bigotry and Bullying

2011-11-08T20:27:00.000-06:00

A couple of months ago, I blogged about the negative comments my kids were hearing regarding our choice to homeschool. In addition to the homeschool comments, my kids have been told by other kids in our neighborhood that they "don't matter," they are "idiots" "fa**ots""gay." They have a stupid family. They've been introduced to the "n" word for the first time ever and have gotten an earful of other colorful expletives. We can deal with so-called "bad" words, but the name-calling and cruel terms are the ones that get to me.

The kids had an interesting way they learned about the "n" word. They were playing with two of their friends who are Black. An older Black boy casually called another Black boy this name. My girls wouldn't have even noticed, but their girl friends gasped and covered their mouths. My girls asked them what that meant and the girls said, "You need to ask your mom, but it's worse than the "F" word! Our moms would KILL us if we ever said it!" I appreciated their friends guiding the girls to talk to me.

As far as drama, it's been crazy since living here. For weeks, the kids came home in tears over hurtful things being said to them. As I talked with them about what "went down," I learned that my kids were throwing ugly comments right back! Not the direction I want them to go. They've gotten better about rude comebacks, but it's still a struggle. I want them to stand up to bullying, but stop before they become hateful and ugly themselves.

At this point, I'm not sure what to do about it. Earlier this week, I did go talk to one child's family. She has called my kids every name in the book, flipped them off, and has been generally cruel. I had already had words with the child and ever since, her harassment of my kids only increased. So the other day, when TJ ran in, extremely hurt after being called a fa**ot for the umpteenth time, I went straight to the adults. Not sure how much good that will do since my kids saw the girl slapped by her own mother out in front of everyone (this, before I talked to them). I am heartbroken that some of the kids are mistreated by their family, but also can't let that be an excuse to let them bully and harass my (or any other) kids.

My struggle is that I want to show kindness, forgiveness and love to these kids. I also want to yell at them and never allow them near my kids. When the kids come home hurt after being treated cruelly, my "momma bear" mode kicks in and I want to (and have a couple of times) run out and give the kids a piece of my mind.

We had one "troublemaker" girl in our old 'hood. In the four years we lived there, we may have had 2 or 3 run-ins with her. On occasion, we had kids with hurt feelings, but I was in regular contact with the moms, so we would talk about things and once, even sat the girls down to talk with each other. This neighborhood is completely different. I don't see the majority of parents. Ever. So I feel stuck.

Let me add that the kids DO have several very sweet friends. TJ has a couple of boys that are great. I've met the parents and/or grandparents and they play together nicely. The girls also have a few friends that are good kids. However, because we have shared common spaces such as the ball courts, I can't keep my kids away from the bullies unless I keep them inside at all times and I refuse to do that.

I do know of two kids whose families were forced to move out due to the kids' bullying. But in both cases, they were physical bullies, hitting the kids they were picking on or destroying property. I'm not sure what can be done about the bullying. Maybe our community could have someone come in to talk to all the kids. That is, if the parents would allow the kids to attend.

Ironically, today, we were reading from Little Britches, Set in a ranching community in 1906, Ralph is being bullied and beat up at school. He doesn't fight back because his mom told him not to. But after days and days of being bullied and teased, the bully pulls Ralph's pants off. This is what happens:
"I didn't care whether Mother would be ashamed of me or not. I couldn't be a gentleman with my pants off, and I didn't want to be one anyway. I plowed into Freddie with both fists...
(the fight is described in detail, then I adore what the teacher does)
"...I glanced up toward the schoolhouse. Miss Wheeler was peeking out the corner of the window, but she didn't ring the bell till it was all over and Grace had pinned my pants back on."
Later, Ralph's dad asked, "Did you lick him?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good." That was all. He never mentioned it again.

Lest you think this book would encourage my kids to physically fight, don't. In the very next chapter, Ralph lies, telling his mom that his dad gave him permission to take the unbroken horse down to the gulch to pull out some of the railroad ties. When he has trouble getting the tie, he goes home and confesses his lie to his mom. His dad disciplines him by making him wear a certain suit (one he hates and one that spurred on the teasing he endured in the first place) to school every day until he gets all 18 crossties out of the gulch. (It takes him two weeks.) And he's not allowed to go with his father on any errands, something Ralph cherishes. Ralph's dad says,
"Son, there is no question but what the thing you have done today deserves severe punishment. You might have killed yourself or the horse, but much worse than that, you have injured your own character. A man's character is like his house. If he tears boards off his house and burns them to keep himself warm and comfortable, his house soon becomes a ruin. If he tells lies to be able to do the things he shouldn't do but wants to, his character will soon become a ruin. A man with a ruined character is a shame on the face of the earth."

Bullying is nothing new, but it's morphed. Kids have morphed. Parents have morphed.

Nothing is resolved here, so I guess this is mostly a "venting" blog. I'd love advice. How do you handle bullying? How do you keep your kids from bullying back?

"Like They've Always Been With Us"

2011-11-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

Nearing our four-month anniversary with the boys, Ken and I often find ourselves saying things like this to each other:
"I can't imagine not having them."
"What if we hadn't listened to God's call to us to adopt these two?"
"I'm SO GLAD we adopted both boys at once."
"I have no regrets."
"I LOVE these boys!"
"I feel like they've always been with us."

These are good feelings to have. We're very blessed to be in this place.

But.... (don't you know that, with me, there is always a but?"

But they haven't always been with us. They had a life before they came to us; a life we will never truly know. For Travis he had three full years of life: One year with a mom and dad at least. Grandparents. Siblings, possibly. Then he had two very unique years in, what appears to be a decent, clean, happy-looking institution. We know he was exposed to a rich variety of people. He had friends. He had aunties and uncles he cared about and loved. Tian had two full years, one of which was spent with an extended foster family. From his pictures, it also appears he had not only his Nie Nie, but also a dad, two siblings, cousins, grandparents, and lots of friends.

While Ken and I feel very comfortable with the boys, "as if they had been born to us," we have to constantly remind ourselves that they were not born to us. You may wonder why. Why not just go with the great feeling of thinking of them as our birth kids? Because they aren't. Because we have to parent them differently. We have to view their cries, tears, rebellion, quirks, and fears in light of their history. And most of that history is unknown. When I forget their past, I do them a disservice by treating them like my birth kids. Sometimes, I'm tempted to say, "Oh, he's just being bratty" when he's throwing a tantum about not getting something he thinks is his. (Sometimes I DO say that. Sometimes he IS just being bratty.) But I have to step back for a minute and think, "My birth kids have learned to share their toys. They understand they need to share most things. This type of fit in one of them would call for specific training. With Tian and Travis, I don't have any clue what their "sharing stuff" history has been. I know from reading that sharing is simply a given in an orphanage. Kids don't have their own stuff. Who knows how their hurt feelings were handled?

Will I let them just throw a fit and never share? No way! Ken and I train the boys constantly, but we have to train them keeping their history in mind.

While we must keep their history in mind, I think it's a wonderful thing to simply feel like they've always been with us. That "feeling" indicates a level of bonding that is healthy and good. I can't read their minds, but it sure seems the feeling is reciprocated.

Fall Family Traditions

2011-10-24T13:31:00.000-05:00

October has been full of some of our fun fall family traditions as well as a first for all 5 Brownies.

Pumpkin Carving

This is something the kids and I enjoy every year. This year, the boys got to help by removing the icky, slimy guts from the pumpkin!

Before the carving

Pulling out guts!

Our owl, Hedwig

Visit to Oklahoma to meet The Brown Grands

The boys did fabulously! They had a great time visiting, playing with their cousin Emily, riding bikes, driving RC cars, and riding around in Grandpa's "tractor." It was the boys' first overnight stay away from home (still with us, of course) and they didn't seemed phased a bit! However, the look of deep love on Travis' face when we pulled in at our house told Ken and me that he knows this is home. Travis smiled, laughed, and would have wrapped his arms around the house to give it a big hug if he could. It was heartwarming to witness.

Grandpa driving the boys.

Putting together the airplane.

Setting up for flight.

Flower Mound Pumpkin Patch

We've been visiting The Patch since the first season we lived here, 4 years ago. We got to see it through toddler eyes this year and we all had a great time. In fact, I think we'll make one more trip over there before October 31st. The new $5 parking fee is well worth it. Such great memories and tons of fall fun.

Sweet Peas

Silly boy has mastered the fake smile.

Love to see the older Brownies helping their little brothers.

More goofiness.

The State Fair of Texas

The Fair is a must here in Texas. For the past several years, the kids and I have gone with my sister, niece and my parents. This year, my parents were out of town, my sister went earlier in the week, and Ken could finally join us for the first time. It was a little slower with the boys in tow, but we still had some good family fun. We got to hang out with some friends, too, so that was a bonus!

The Alliance Air Show

We Browns get downright giddy about the air show. If you know my husband, you'll understand why. This year, we had added excitement because the little boys adore airplanes so much. We figured they'd simply freak out! A big storm passed through the night before the air show and I woke Sunday morning feeling grateful that clear weather was forecast for the entire day. We woke early, packed up, and headed out to Alliance Airport. When we had almost arrived, I checked my twitter feed and saw Alliance announce that due to heavy rains rendering the parking spaces useless and even dangerous, they decided to cancel the air show. Major bummer. Not nearly as exciting as the air show, we stopped by Founder's Plaza at DFW airport to watch a few planes land.

Tian's sign for airplane

Wedding Celebration on the Lake

We're rounding out the month with a wedding celebration on the lake! A good friend is getting married and (bravely) invited all seven of us! It was the kids' first-ever wedding. (And Ken and my first wedding on a boat!) Can I have a momma brag moment? The Brownies were fabulous! They danced, golfed off the back of the boat, danced some more, played with friends, and had a great time. The two littlest Brownies played with some toys another mom smartly brought. As we left, Hannah said, "This was the best party I've ever been to!"

Ready to see the bride and groom.

How the boys spent most of their night.

And we still have trick-or-treating to do next week! Then it will be time for the holiday fun of November and December! What are some of YOUR favorite fall or holiday traditions?

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-19T01:19:00.000-05:00

Hero Mom

2011-10-17T15:34:00.008-05:00

Click here to vote!

My friend, Adrienne, the same friend who nominated me for the Distinguished Mom Award, has yet again nominated me for TheBlogFrog.com's "Hero Mom." The grand prize is $2500 from Allstate, most of which she says she plans to give us to help pay off our remaining debt from the adoption, which I admit would be a blessing to us!

First of all, may I take this chance to publicly thank my sweet friend, Adrienne? She has been there for me in so many ways, encouraging me in Christ and in my daily life as a mom, wife, and homeschool teacher. Her friendship to me is priceless. Oh, and if you want to learn to speed clean your house using non-toxic, green products AND want to learn how to teach your kids to do chores well, check out her website, CleaningWithKids.com. She has an excellent DVD that teaches parents how to teach their kids to clean. She and her husband spent a lot of extra time and money getting their DVD closed captioned, which means SO much to us, as you can imagine!

Here is a portion of the letter Adrienne sent out, asking for votes. We'd love it if you blog readers would take a moment to vote! Just click the link and click "vote." That's all. No sign-ups or registering.

This is from Adrienne:

Look for ADRIENNE FREAS….I wrote the story. So, you are voting for me. I am in second place right now. If I win I plan to give $2,000 to The Brown Family to cover some of the debt from their recent adoption and $500 to a family adopting a little blind girl from Russia. Her story can be read here!

You can vote one time EVERYDAY!!!

First place wins $2500
Second place wins $100 gift card. ( I am currently in 2nd place)

Thanks, blog friends!

The Things People Say

2011-10-16T23:00:00.000-05:00

In the past week, these questions have turned up in one form or the other.

“Why didn’t you get a fully functional child instead of a deaf child?” (To his credit, the person who asked this is a 12 year old kid.)

A grown woman in her 60s asked, regarding Travis, “Oh, he’s deaf and dumb?” Sigh.

A Home Depot worker spoke to Ken. Ken, who had the two little boys with him, indicated that he was Deaf, so the worker jokingly gestured toward the boys, “How much did they cost?” then laughed, thinking he was pretty darn funny.

One of my passions is educating anyone, especially older kids and adults, about the Deaf World and now adoption, but some days, these types of comments can just rub the wrong way. Other times, I revel in the chance to enlighten someone.

Recently, as some Deaf friends and I were discussing the issue of hearing and how hearing people place so much value on hearing and speech, we had the chance to educate a hearing onlooker who didn’t have a lot of experience with the Deaf World. The onlooker indicated that she felt like we were on a high horse, putting her down for not agreeing or understanding our point of view. Thinking back over the conversation, there was no putting down, but possibly, our tone may have come across that way to her. But she or anyone else not familiar with the Deaf World would have to try understanding that the questions the general public ask get asked over and over, year after year.

Can you drive? How do you travel alone? Do you have a job? I saw this amazing video where a girl hears for the first time, did you see it? You should get one of those implants.

So, within the tight-knit Deaf community, we DO give each other knowing looks and sometimes joke about these questions, but we normally only do so with each other. When someone asks one of these or a myriad of other questions, we appreciate the opportunity to educate, and yes, even enlighten. The onlooker felt negative about the fact that we were hoping to “enlighten” her. We were. Isn’t that the beauty of open dialogue with people who aren’t like you? People who have a different perspective?

The same issue comes up regarding adoption and homeschooling. People say the darndest things! It forces me to think of times when the tables are turned and I'm looking in on a lifestyle or culture I know little about.

I remember when we began our adoption journey, I was searching for anything and everything adult adoptees had written. Let me tell you, there are some angry adoptees out there and they blog! As I read, I found myself feeling defensive. Many of them addressed fantasy-minded adoptive parents. They were addressing me! But as I read, I knew they had much to say and that I better listen. And I was enlightened. I didn’t agree with everything I set my eyes on, but I learned and continue to learn. My eyes were open to a perspective I never had considered. I learned the problems with adoptive parents telling their kids, “Your birth mom loved you so much...that’s why she gave you up.” I learned why it’s hurtful for kids to grow up hearing that they are “so lucky.” I learned that my Asian sons may not want to hear me say, “I don’t see you as Asian. I just see you as mine.” I was enlightened.

Thinking back, I’m sure I’ve said more than my fair share of ignorant comments and asked innocent, but offensive questions. When others say things that jab a little, I have to take a moment and think about where they are coming from. Most often, people are just genuinely curious and unaware. Rarely, but still sometimes, they’re plain unthoughtful or rude.

Maybe Ken and I are gluttons for punishment. When I think about it, there are many things about the Brown Seven that seem to give people (friends, family, strangers) what they think is an open invitation to question, scrutinize, criticize our lifestyle.

Size of our family. Homeschool. Multicultural adoption. Deaf/hearing, using sign language. Other family choices, such as media.

Thank God that He equips us for what He's called us to. The "equipment" I'm praying for is patience, slow anger, slow speech, and grace for others as I've been drowned in grace.

Don't Adopt!

2011-10-13T18:05:00.000-05:00

Yeah, the title got my attention, too.

Since it's been a week since my last post and I don't have a new post ready right now, I thought I'd at least share what I thought was a fabulous blog entry by Russell Moore, the author of Adopted For Life.

http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/10/12/dont-adopt/

Downsizing Adventures: Six-Month Update

2011-10-06T17:01:00.000-05:00

This month marks a half year that we have been in our new digs. I blogged about our downsizing adventures right as we moved. It's fun to go back and read those thoughts. Not a lot has changed. The pros and cons are unchanged. Every time we come home from a trip, Ken and I agree that we have no regrets regarding our decision to downsize.

A couple of weeks ago, I sat down to work on our budget for the first time since we've been home from China. It felt useless to try to follow a budget during the last few months before we traveled, so it's been quite a while since I worked up a budget. I was pleasantly surprised! We're still tight coming off the China trip, but by the end of October, we'll be able to breathe and be back on track again. We actually have extra cash to give and save. We've not been able to do either for a year now. Finances are a huge part of our decision to move, but there are so many more benefits.

This week, we were all very sick with a horrid stomach virus. It was just a 24-hour virus, but it knocked us to our feet! Having a smaller home made it so much less stressful to keep clean. This morning, I got up to a tornado of a mess (after being sick and lying in bed all day yesterday and hubby out of town for work). It took me just an hour to clean the kitchen, work laundry, tidy up, and disinfect the bathrooms. I had very little energy coming off of yesterday's virus, so being able to stay on one floor and take fewer steps was a true blessing.

One thing we loved about our big home was entertaining. We truly enjoyed having people over to swim, barbecue, eat dinner, host parties for others, and just use the space we had to enjoy and bless others. We learned Sunday that size doesn't matter! We had about 13 adults and even MORE kids at the house for our new home group. There was room for everyone and we had a great time. It was our first time to have a large group come over since moving, so it was nice to see that it still works.

We have had issues with neighborhood kids. Bullying, foul language, gossip and drama. I have a whole other blog planned about that, but we just try to see it as a way for our kids to grow character, learn how to deal with people, and give God's grace.

One last fun renting story. Regency truly has very good customer service. They aren't perfect, but who is? I believe I already blogged about the AC getting fixed so quickly the first month we were here. Well, a few weeks ago, Tian decided to flush a ball down the toilet. His oldest brother did the same thing when he was the same age. We were living in Vegas and after taking our toilet outside and rolling it around the backyard, we realized that ball was NOT getting unstuck, so we bought a new toilet. We were quite worried about this toilet, thinking we were going to have to pay for whatever work was done. One of our maintenance guys came up, took the toilet off, broke apart the ball, sealed the toilet back, then left. No stress. No budget buster. Just fixed. That, my friends, is what we need in this season of our life!

Deaf Girl Hears for the First Time?

2011-10-01T21:29:00.001-05:00

There has been a lot of buzz online about this video, now gone viral.

Let me begin by saying that the news and bloggers are correct, this video is touching. I love her reaction! Whatever her past hearing issues have been, she's obviously thrilled with the results of this Esteem implant, not to be confused with the more widely-known cochlear implant (CI), that has just been activated. (This link explains the differences in implants for those who might be interested.) I'm happy for Sloan because a: she's 29 and has every right decide to pursue an implant like this. b: the implant is doing exactly, if not more than what she expected it to do. It's fun to watch her and her heart-felt joy is sweet.

Did you guess I'd have a problem with it, too? You were right! Here's my problem with the video. I hope that when she's interviewed (her video has over 2.5 millions hits, so I'm thinking the news stations will pick this up), some of my questions will be answered. I may be proven wrong, but here's my assessment:

The title itself is misleading: Deaf Girl Hears for the First Time. No way. Sorry, but there's no way. If she's never heard, how can she understand the technician ask, "Can you hear me?" when her eyes are covered? I've met many people, quite a few of them friends of mine, who have gotten CIs. They say they could hear instantly upon activation, but had no clue what the sounds were. Leaving the audiologist, they didn't know if the sound outside was a bird or the big air conditioners. Sounds are learned over hours and hours, months and months, years and years of training. This girl has to have some past hearing experience. Her original video title on You Tube is "29 And Hearing Myself for the First Time." Maybe she could hear other's voices some, but not her own? I'm not sure.

I'm also blown away by her speech. If she's truly been profoundly deaf since birth, never able to hear speech sounds, then her speech therapist should be famous right now. Again, I have many Deaf friends who have very good speech. My own husband has never heard speech in his life and he can certainly talk. But her speech is SO very clear, it just doesn't match up with someone who is hearing "for the first time." There has to be more to this story.

So maybe Sloan has heard speech with her hearing aids. It seems that this implant has improved how she hears to an amazing degree, but the video is misleading and that's what bothers me. This video will continue to mislead the general public into believing that a deaf person can simply be "cured" by getting an implant. It will give false expectations to hearing parents of deaf kids and that is what bothers me most. The truth is that implants are giving hearing to people who never would have heard before. It's up to each person to decide what technology to use or not to use. Sadly, the media will eat up videos like this, using incorrect terminology and leaving out critical parts of the story. After all, "Girl with profound hearing loss has great results with new implant" doesn't make for viral videos. Stories like this also promote the idea that all Deaf people want to hear and should be "fixed." And that's why I have a problem with this video. I hope to see her interviewed so the video will make more sense.

(The way I feel about this movie reminds me a little of some sentiments from the Black community regarding the movie "The Blind Side." I get it. And I loved that movie.)

This Dad Got It Right

2011-09-29T18:15:00.000-05:00

Last week, there was a fabulous broadcast on Focus on the Family. It's now transcribed so that it's accessible to nearly everyone. The broadcast features a hearing father, Marshall Lawrence, of a Deaf daughter and what he said was brilliant.

"When it comes to the education of your [deaf] children, it's hard to know what to do. I really felt that [my daughter] needed a language to think in, a language to be able to manipulate ideas with.
That's how you use your language most, you know? For yourself, not for other people.
You talk to yourself all the time, and don't you sit there and tell me you don't talk to
yourself. I know better. You talk to yourself far more than you talk to other people, so
you need to have some linguistic system in place that you really own so that you can
start doing that.
I knew that our daughter had to have some kind of linguistic system....

"She started [the school for the Deaf] in the second semester of the year, and by
the time summer came around; I saw her one morning signing in her sleep. I thought,
'Ah, she has a language of the heart now. She has the language to dream in and think
in. Now, we can start to communicate.'

"Of course, I had to acquire that language, too. That was the hard part, you know? She
drank it in like a sponge. For an old tired dad whose brain isn't very elastic anymore,
that was a hard job. But I felt I had to do that because this is my child. I have to have a
relationship with my child. I have to find a way to do this. So, I worked hard, and I
learned sign language. I don't do it great, but I learned it."

Yes!! This dad gets it! Sadly he's a rarity. In fact, in his story, he shares the fact that he would bring several Deaf women to tears just by seeing him, a hearing father, signing with his daughter.

This guy ended up establishing Silent Blessings as well as Dr. Wonder's Workshop.

Three cheers for a dad who got it right!

Language Update

2011-09-29T16:24:00.002-05:00

Bathtime is the best!

Today marks two months since we arrived back home to the USA. Ken and I must tell each other 5 times every day that we can't believe they are really here AND we can't imagine life without them in it.

Thrilled that Daddy is home!

Silly face!

Driving a carriage

Travis' language development still astounds us. In just two months, he's upwards of 200 words. I'm trying to keep count, but it's getting more difficult! He's able to tell us most of the things he wants using ASL. Just this week, he went up to his dad, tapped him, and told him, "I want to go outside and ride my bike." After we got him outside to ride his bike, Ken and I talked about the big change from fussing, pulling on us, crying, pointing, and kicking his feet. How much more calm his soul must be that he know he can simply be understood. If something happens that we don't understand what he wants, he knows we will take the time to figure it out, then give him the language to communicate it from that time on.

The same goes for Tian. He's adding a lot of spoken words to his vocabulary, but is signing even more, which is typical of even a hearing kid exposed to signing at his age.

One of both boys' favorite signs is "SOON." When Ken goes to work (downstairs) or the older kids go out to play, the boys will stand at the top of the stairs signing, "SOON. SOON. SOON." Recently, when Ken left for a 4-day trip, I was careful NOT to sign "SOON." Instead, I said, "See Daddy Sunday!" On Sunday morning, I told them, "SEE DADDY TODAY!! SOON!"

We are often asked how we teach our kids to sign. Well, it's much like how you teach any child their first language. In our house, it looks like this:

Travis hops off his bike and runs to us, pulling at his helmet. We know he wants his helmet off, but we do not take it off. If we just took off the helmet, we'd miss a perfect opportunity for language learning!
We sign, "HELMET O-F-F" (The sign for "off" is fingerspelled O-F-F.)
He knows by now he has to sign it, too. He signs, "HELMET F-F-F-F" (So cute!)
Yes!! Then, with lots of smiles, we help him take off his helmet.

The next time he does the same thing. We also do the same thing, but this time, we correct him, showing him the "O" and he does it clearly. "HELMET O-F-F."

The third time, he rides up and, without ever pulling on his helmet, he just signs, "F-F-F-F"
Yes!!! We sign "HELMET O-F-F?? OKAY! YES!"
He came up and initiated asking using language!! It's okay that it wasn't perfect. He's a toddler and we made sure to model back the correct sign, so he will get it right in a very short time.

Another way we build the boys' vocabulary is by using synonyms of words they already know. For example, they both quickly understood "yes." Well, sometimes we need to use words like "okay, fine" or "good" or "you're allowed," but they don't understand that yet. It looks like this:
The boys are riding bikes on the basketball court, then turn to go down into the grass. They look back at me with raised eyebrows, wondering, "Is this allowed?" I sign, "FINE. YES. OKAY. YES." They will quickly pick up on the fact that "fine" and "okay" are positive statements much like "yes."

I must add, that once we give them a new word, we expect them to use it. Once they have shown us that they know how to sign it, we will help prompt them, but they aren't allowed to just point and grunt for something they already know. Sometimes, they (especially Travis) will decide they are mad and not only won't sign, but they won't look at us. This would be the equivalent to a hearing kid closing their eyes, covering their ears and yelling, "La la la la!" We hold our ground pretty firmly and either move their face toward us or just patiently wait out the fit. The absolutely don't get what they want when they do this.

Travis just did this while I was in the middle of this blog. He woke from his nap unhappy and throwing a bit of a fit. When I asked him what was wrong, he would just turn his head away and cry more. I moved into his line of vision and asked again. "What's wrong? Do you need a drink? Food? Potty?" His head turned the other way before I could even finish asking "What's wrong?" I had a feeling he needed to go to the bathroom because he was holding his hands up toward the direction of the hall where the bathroom is. One thing he CAN do without a doubt is tell us he needs to go to the bathroom. He was whiny and fussy and was refusing to sign. So, I just kissed him and sat him down on the bed, then sat in front of him to wait it out. In a matter of about 15 seconds of sniffling, he perked up, signed, "POTTY," jumped off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. (He can go by himself now, but prefers to come get us to go with him.) I could have just sat him on the toilet the minute I guessed that was his issue, but that would not have done him nor me any favors. And what if that was NOT what he needed? What if he was simply fussing? He's learning more and more and more that he uses language to communicate and it's amazing to witness, even the fussy times!

If you think about it, this is just like how your hearing child learned language. You model it, they use it at age-appropriate levels. You begin expecting them to USE their new words to express themselves instead of just pointing and fussing for it. You correct and perfect their pronunciation as they are able. You also expand their vocabulary using words they already know. Most of this you do without even giving it much thought. The same goes for signing families. The same should go for any parent of a deaf child, no matter what route they will choose to take regarding aided hearing or speech. Give them a language to think in so that they may begin thinking, dreaming, and having ideas way before they learn to read or speak or even hear with aides. My next blog gives a great example of a hearing dad who "gets it."

My Deaf World Story: Part 5

2011-09-21T21:46:00.000-05:00

In the last Deaf World post, I listed some advice for ASL students and interpreting students. What though about the Deaf members of the community? Truly, you, as members of the Deaf World hold the keys to the gate. You are the ones that decide to share your world...or not.

I would give advice, but, like Molly shared in her video "Bypass," Deaf people have been doing this for years. Deaf seniors are true experts at it, from what I have seen in my own experience. They aren't afraid to invest in a young student. They have the authority of years and a wealth of culture and experience to share.

This doesn't mean younger Deaf members can't be guides through the Deaf World. Future interpreters need those who are younger to introduce them (and re-train those who are more seasoned) to the Millennials in the Deaf communities. Like I said, the Deaf World is changing and with it, the demands on interpreters are changing.

If you, as Deaf members of the Deaf World want to connect to your interpreter and want your interpreter to understand you, both linguistically and culturally, you must be willing to invest in the up-and-comers.

My husband and I were joking about the fact that I'm often mistaken for Deaf, even by Deaf people or CODAs while he is sometimes mistaken for hearing. My being mistaken for Deaf is not because I'm so awesome, but because I learned from and lived life with Deaf people, therefore, taking on most of the nuances of the language I saw from Deaf people. Ken, on the other hand, learned to sign with hearing people as his language models. Not until later in high school was he around more Deaf ASL users. So it stands to reason that he would have some mannerisms that mimic his language models, the major one being that he often mouths English when he signs.
(I often tease those who tell me they thought I was Deaf, "Give me a little more time. You'll see my 'native hearing' come through very clearly!" I can also still get lost or misunderstand ASL, so don't mistake my statement for arrogance. There is no place for a hearing person's arrogance in the Deaf World. Also don't misunderstand my comparing myself to Ken. His ASL fluency is worlds better than mine. I hate to admit how many times I've been watching a conversation or vlog and had to look to him to clarify something that I missed.)

I have to admit though, I do get a burst of pride every time I hear that compliment, but it's not pride in myself. It's pride in the Deaf people who poured so much of themselves into me. I picture each one and fondly recall so many late-night stories, fun-filled trips, struggles, tears and laughing until we couldn't breathe. I love my Deaf World and am forever grateful for the people in it.

My Deaf World Story: Part 4

2011-09-18T18:00:00.002-05:00

While I was knee-deep in the Deaf World, I was also taking ASL classes. While I don't credit those classes for my language fluency, they did play a crucial role in my learning about the grammar and structure of ASL. I was aslo beyond blessed to have had an amazing instructor and mentor. Those classes would prove even more valuable when I began studying interpreting. More than the classes themselves, my instructor, Linda Dyer, was another sort of "gatekeeper" in my life. She was a non-native signer like me who had been in the Deaf World for many years. (I used to tease her about just how many years.) It was a God-ordained blessing on my life to have her as my instructor and mentor for those 3 years.

My story thus far only takes me through ASL II class. My experience was so rich and language fluency came quickly because I took the advice of gate-keeper Janice, got involved, had Deaf heart, and didn't try to "help" nor take advantage of people in the Deaf community. There was no where else I wanted to be. I truly and simply loved them and it obviously showed.

I realize my experience is truly unique for a non-native signer, especially these days. I'm worried for the up-and-coming interpreter. I can't begin to get into all the causes behind it, but the Deaf World is changing. I don't see students approaching the gates any more. I love how beautifully Molly put it when she said that interpreting students simply pull over off the bypass and look down at the "scenic view" below. They show up at Deaf coffee or Deaf bowling, watch for a while, and communicate just enough to get a paper signed for their observation hours, but then they leave. Bypass. And both communities are suffering for it.

There is more to my story, but for now, I want to share with ASL students and interpreters-in-training the advice I got, plus a couple other things that you should seriously consider about yourself:
1. Are you willing to humble yourself to the Deaf community in your area and admit you know nothing?
2. Are you willing to ask for help?
3. Do you see yourself as someone who is going in to "help" the less fortunate? How do you respond when people say, "Oh, you're an interpreter? I have a cousin who works with special needs kids in a group home. Bless your heart for helping them out."? Your answer to this question will determine if the gate will ever even open for you.
4. Find something you can do that is mutually beneficial so that you can spend real life in the Deaf World.
5. The older the Deaf person, the more rich the experience you'll have. That's just my opinion because I adore the Deaf seniors I've had the honor the meet and wonder in their stories. And no, I'm not hating on the young 'uns. During college, most of my Deaf friends were around my age.

In my next Deaf World entry, I'm going to talk about what I think some Deaf members of communities can do to enrich their World and their experience with interpreters. It also ties in to why I think I'm often mistaken for a Deaf person.

Motherhood!

2011-09-18T07:30:00.001-05:00

Several weeks ago, my friend Adrienne was perusing the internet and saw a call for nominations for a distinctive mom to win tickets to go see Motherhood the Musical and be named "Mother of Distinction." She kindly thought of me and sent in a nomination. I later learned a committee was formed to decide the winner and about 12 nominations were sent in.

Earlier this week, she got a message saying that I had been chosen to receive the award! I felt quite unworthy receiving such an award, but then I considered the title. Mother of Distinction. I like that. I was chosen because our family is certainly distinct. Some would say weird, different, unique...distinct. The fact that I'm the mom and wife in my family of distinction makes me a mother of distinction.

Ken works very hard so that I can stay home and teach the kids here. It was Ken who sparked the events that shifted our family and changed our lives forever...and for the better. One day, riding in the car, not too long after moving to our awesome home in Highland Village, he asked me, "Is this it? Is this our purpose? We're supposed to DO something. Do MORE. Not just have a big house and be comfortable and keep chasing after more stuff. I kinda want to just sell everything and move somewhere we can help other people and do something that makes a difference."

I remember sitting quietly, so proud of his desire, but also silently arguing between myself and God about how it was kind of nice to just be comfortable. The thought of giving up comfort is terrifying, but it was also exciting. I had no doubt it was in line with God's heart. It was about one year later that I suggested adoption and Ken was willing, even knowing the sacrifice. It took us another year and a half until we found Tian, then Travis, but we did it! And it was the right time. Ken is also the one who suggested we downsize. I was instantly relieved and completely on board, but it was his leadership that got us where we are.

The kids also make me the mom I am. I love kids and have five because I like my kids! I like being around them. The oldest 3 Brownies were instantly excited about us adopting, even to the point of giving up much of their own personal comfort (their own rooms, big house, pool, yard with playground, neighborhood they loved, a booked Disney cruise) for us to do it. Those are some amazing kiddos. Not perfect kiddos; imperfect and sometimes pains just like their momma, but certainly kids of distinction.

Then there are two littles. These boys that we can't imagine ever living without. American culture, labels them "special needs" "orphans." But to us, they are two incredible boys with a distinctive past that allowed for us to add them into the Brown family. Their one true special need was a family and they have that now.

So it's because of the six other members of my family that I was even considered for this award. And I accept it with honor on their behalf.

Thursday night, several of my girlfriends met me at the show. Having no clue what to expect, I was surprised to be called up on stage just before the show. It was a bit embarrassing, but also a hoot! (To be honest, I've never minded getting up on stage in front of people. Good thing they didn't hand me a microphone!)

The night was truly a special night for several reasons. I got treated to a musical, which I happen to love. It was the boys' first time with a babysitter (and the Big Brownies, of course). Several of my girlfriends were able to spend the evening with me. How fun is that?

The show itself, Motherhood the Musical was wonderful! I must admit, as someone who grew up going to Broadway musicals done by professional touring groups, I was prepared for a so-so show and lots of cheese. I was totally wrong to be cynical! The show is excellent! It's a must-see for ANY mother and maybe even some husbands. It speaks so honestly to many major issues moms face. We cracked up, clapped, and cried our way through the show. Every friend I took was equally complimentary of the show.

The actresses were phenomenal, namely Jill Hall, who could pass as Gilda Radner and Kahreema Khouri, who has a voice that all of America should be hearing. Kahreema's performance of "Every Other Weekend" brought me to serious tears. "Not Gonna Take It Anymore" had me rockin' it out in my seat and the entire audience clapping along. "Costco Queen" was another hilarious favorite among my friends.

If you're in the Dallas area and you're a mom, go see this show before October 9! My friends and I have $8-off coupons we'll share!

My Deaf World Story: Part 3

2011-09-16T22:55:00.029-05:00

The minute that meeting was over, I made a bee-line to the hearing chick who had been my lifeline in the classroom. I learned that she was what they called a CODA: Child Of Deaf Adults. She was a native signer. (She would become my best life-long nothing-could-ever-change-it friend. She would also introduce me to the man who would become my husband.) I let her know I was new to town, new to the college, new to signing, and had lots of time to work with the Club if anything was needed.

So you will understand my environment, I was attending East Central University, a school with a strong program for Deaf students as well as some Deaf Studies courses, ASL classes, and an interpreting minor. The university was just 30 minutes from the Oklahoma School for the Deaf. I consider the environment I was in to be, in terms of the Deaf community, culturally rich.

Janice took me under her wing, but didn't spoon-feed me, especially when it came to language learning. She gave me the very best advice I could have ever gotten. She told me that I needed to find some way that my relationships with Deaf people would be be mutually beneficial. She was protecting the people in her World. She advised me to get a TTY and asked if I had a car. I did have a car and since several Deaf students did not, I began offering rides to those students. I would also proof-read papers. In turn, they guided me through their World. They invited me to sit with them at football games (that we never watched, but instead formed a circle in the stands on the opposing team's side so we could visit). They invited me to go dancing after the games. They took me with them to the school for the Deaf homecoming games and reunions, the Deaf Bass Fisherman picnics, and Deaf Awareness Days. They very quickly became some of the best friends of my life.

I remember arriving at OSD one afternoon for some event and getting stopped by my Deaf friends before we headed inside. They said, "Remember: No mouthing English! We better not see it! Mouthing English is SO hearing!"

Another friend would take me with him to Wal-Mart when he needed work done on his car. He didn't need me to accompany him, but would allow me to tag along and practice interpreting for the automotive guy. While waiting for the car repairs to be done, we would walk the isles, visiting and expanding my knowledge of ASL. He was about the age of my father. He was very purposeful in his interactions with me, always making a point to teach me something, knowing my goal was to become a fluent signer and interpreter.

During this same time, I remember sitting at a round table at the Deaf school. It was well into the middle of the night and the older Deaf couples were telling stories that made me cry tears of sorrow and even more tears of laughter. Stories about growing up, stories of oralism, slapped hands, secretly signing in the dorms, yelling contests in the bathroom, parents that just never "got it," learning as adults that farts made noise or that bathroom stalls did not prevent sound from travelling through the room. I feel very nostalgic when I watch the part of the PBS documentary Through Deaf Eyes. (Available on Netflix streaming.) If you watch Jack Gannon tell of a traveling minister attempting to "heal" him, notice the way Jack's wife is enthralled with his story, hanging on every word as if this is the first time she's heard it, giggling and laughing as he tells his tale....That is what I would witness regularly as I was invited to sit around the table to watch these stories be told. I'm pretty sure I missed a good portion because of my lack of fluency, but even only understanding half was enough for me to see the richness and value of their stories. Oh how I wish I had recorded them!
(The more I write, the more I remember! ...to be continued....)

My Deaf World Story: Part 2

2011-09-16T22:03:00.001-05:00

As I walked into that classroom on the campus of East Central University in Ada, Oklahoma in 1994, my big head deflated by about three times. The room was busy with activity, hands flying and NO English anywhere to be seen. My eyes jumped from conversation to conversation and I immediately knew something: I knew nothing.

The students began forming a circle of desks around the classroom. One hearing girl let the non-signers know we were going to go around the room introducing ourselves and telling where we were from.

Okay. I can do this. I watched a few people signing. Even though they were signing slowly for us newbies, I still was lost. I rehearsed in my mind what I would sign and when it was my turn, I shakily signed, "I (with initialized I) S-----A------R-----A-----H. I FROM A----R----K----...." I had planned to continue to spell my state name, but a Deaf guy quickly jumped in, signing at, what seemed to me, lightning speed.
"Arkansas?! Which town?!"
*deer in headlights look from me* The hearing girl that signed told me what he was asking.
Oh! Oh! Okay.... "F----O---R---"
"Fort Smith?! I'm from Spiro! I know many Deaf in Fort Smith. Who do you know?"
Here come those headlights again. So thankful to this hearing girl helping me out.
I could only recall Jeff. I didn't know the names of the senior citizens that graced our home when I was young. I couldn't even remember the name of the couple from my community sign class. So I signed:
"J----E----F-F"
"Jeff Holmes? I know him! He is one of my best friends!"

And that was my first "Deaf Small World" experience. Here I was just a green, naive, newcomer to this Deaf World and I already had a connection. With the help of the hearing girl (although she refused to straight-out interpret for me; she forced me to work to my own end, then she'd jump in to save me), I was able to communicate a little of my history as told in Part 1. I felt the smiles of my Deaf classmates as I relayed my story and, although I didn't understand it at the time, they were opening the gate for me to enter their Deaf World.
(continued...)

My Deaf World Story: Part 1

2011-09-16T14:28:00.004-05:00

Telling My Deaf World story was inspired by this video. Thanks, Molly, for bringing back a flood of memories for which I will be forever grateful. I realize how fortunate I have been. The biggest thanks go to my friends, mentors, teachers, and guides through the Deaf World. I will never ever leave!

Before I was even an idea, my parents began learning sign language. Growing up, I vividly remember Dad standing up next to the preacher, interpreting the service. He was never trained as an interpreter, but learned to sign from the members of the Deaf community in and around Little Rock in the late 1960s and early 70s.
My parents learned old-school Amslan, signing "GO" with two rolling "1" handshapes and "WHO" circling the mouth. They signed in English order and threw in some SEE for good measure because that was what they were seeing at the time.
At age five, I was prouder than proud to sign my first sentence to our fifteen year-old Deaf friend, Jeff. "TIME....TO....GO." I can visualize that moment as if it were on film.
Jeff spent quite a bit of time with our family, even coming on some family trips with us.

When I was still very young, Jeff moved off to attend the residential school several hours away and the other Deaf at our church slowly disappeared. So I did not grow up surrounded by the Deaf World, but what I had experienced from birth to age five or six would be enough to prove addicting to me.
Looking back, I don't remember a time that I did not want to somehow be connected with the Deaf World. I thought I wanted to teach deaf kids. I mean, what else could you do working in the Deaf World?
My junior year in high school, my parents enrolled me in a continuing ed class at our local community college. Now I know the teacher was horrible, but to her credit, she brought in several people from the Deaf community. One couple was particularly encouraging. They (seemingly sincerely) told me I had a natural gift for signing and they hoped I would continue learning. They told their friends I worked at Hardee's, so Deaf people could come in on my shift to sign their orders to me.
My senior year in high school, my grandmother gave me a business card of a sign language interpreter. I had never imagined there was such a profession and, outside of church, had only seen interpreters in the little bubbles on TV.
I went to college in Ada, Oklahoma my sophomore year with big head, thinking I really knew sign language, when in actuality, I knew a lot of random church signs, some SEE signs, and the entire Hardee's menu. I knew nothing of the language of the Deaf World and very little of the people.
Walking in to my first "Silent Friends Club" meeting in a room full of Deaf people, I was about to be seriously humbled.
(to be continued....)

Bypass

2011-09-16T14:12:00.003-05:00

I loved this blog by Molly Wilson. It sparked a multi-part blog telling my own Deaf World story. When my kids are grown, I plan to get back into mentoring and training students and new interpreters. Molly's video is so right-on. So beautifully stated. (Honestly, my English doesn't do justice to her ASL. I might should have taken more time on it, but wanted to get this out there.) My next two blogs will tell my story of my journey into the Deaf World. To hear or read or even see in ASL a radio interview with Molly about this topic, visit this site.

Bypass by Molly Wilson (CODA)

(transcribed below for the ASL-impaired)

disclaimer: This is my, Sarah Brown's interpretation of "Bypass" done for the benefit of readers who do not know ASL. I was not asked to transcribe this nor has my transcription been approved by the signer.

BYPASS

I think it’s time the Deaf World and the Interpreting World come together to discuss how we approach this issue of training interpreters.

In the past, if you wanted to become an interpreter, but had not been born into the Deaf World, you would have to find a way IN to the Deaf World.

The Deaf World has many varieties of communities within. Understand that Deaf communities each have their own “gatekeepers” if you will. These gatekeepers could be CODAs or Deaf people who have an understanding of both the Deaf and hearing worlds. They decide who is accepted into their Deaf World. Honestly, if a hearing person is seen to have a deaf “heart” [someone who accepts Deaf people with the right attitude/spirit] they’re accepted in, regardless of their background.

Going through the Deaf World then takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process of sharing time, experiences and language with the people within. The Deaf people take time to teach and pour into this new hearing member. Then, years later, the Deaf people in the community see that the person is ready. The new member now understands Deaf culture. They understand the language of the community and all that entails. At that point, the Deaf community support him/her in their goal of becoming an interpreter.

As interpreting gained popularity, the Deaf World had to widen the gates and enlist more gatekeepers, but they were up to the challenge!

After the ADA passed in 1991, Deaf people had a legal right to have an interpreter! But there were not enough interpreters to fill the need. So, parts of the interpreting world, such as RID, interpreter training programs and various referral agencies got involved, encouraging more and more people to become interpreters.

The gates to the Deaf World were bursting! The gatekeepers were overwhelmed beyond what they could handle. Deaf people were also feeling taken advantage of. Students would come, take what they could from the Deaf World in order to learn what was needed, then run off into their jobs as interpreters, leaving the Deaf World and discontinuing their involvement and support.

That’s when the interpreting community decided to build NEW highway. The Deaf World was too small and too slow, so a new highway was built around Deaf World. This new highway completely bypassed Deaf World. Interpreters in training didn’t go through Deaf World any longer. Instead, they learned the basics of what they needed through universities, colleges, and workshops. They learned about the subtle intricacies of the language by taking a class rather than experiencing it from within the community.

Oh, they my come over to observe the Deaf World, much like driving off the highway at the scenic overlook, only observing from afar, never getting involved. And to the Deaf World, that felt oppressive.

When that “trained” interpreter graduates an academic program, then meets a Deaf World member, there is disconnect. The interpreter doesn’t understand the language nor the culture of the Deaf. Communication doesn’t feel natural.

What do we do about this problem? How do we put an end to the current approach and raise the bar, looking to the Deaf World for their successful techniques for training upcoming interpreters?

Take some time to think about this issue. Thank you!

Stupid, Socially Awkward Homeschoolers

2011-09-13T22:26:00.002-05:00

We've been homeschooling for seven years now. In those seven years, I've heard the battle-cry of upset homeschooling parents dealing with people who make derogatory comments about homeschooling. I've considered our family fortunate, because other than the very rare "What about socialization?" question, the kids really haven't faced ignorance....until the past few months. (I do remember a mom blaming homeschooling on the fact that my then-5-year-old-wouldn't-even-BE-in-public-school-yet daughter asked for a second gift bag at a birthday party. "Well, she's not in school, so she's not learned those social rules yet." Umm...blame my bad parenting, but not homeschooling.)

Since moving to our new place, the kids have had the opportunity to endure a lot of ignorant comments. Among those are comments about homeschoolers. (I will blog later about the other bigoted, offensive things my kids have heard lately.) Maybe our past neighbors thought this stuff, but never said it out loud, but these neighbors have no problem making comments that tell my kids "homeschoolers are stupid and socially awkward."

Here are a few comments spoken directly to my kids while I was not around: (Imagine that! I'm not constantly beside my children!)
by a mother: homeschoolers just don't do as well academically/don't go to college.
by a teenage kid: (referring to another homeschool kid in the 'hood) He's socially awkward because he's homeschooled. (In that same breath, she said, "His brother isn't. He's cool. And you guys, too." Well, obviously public school didn't teach logic to this particular teen.
by their peers: "What's 11x12? You can't answer fast? See? Homeschoolers aren't good at math because they are homeschooled."
I AM proud to say that Hannah told the kids she couldn't think of the answer off the top of her head right then and asked the kids the same question back. They couldn't answer quickly either.

I don't mind hearing negative comments myself, but when people, especially adults, put down my kids, you're going to stir some coals in this momma.

Kenzie, in China, learning how silk is made.
What? No kids her age?! You mean she has to interact with adults?!

TJ at Tiananman Square with his favorite friend and guide, George.

Hannah, overcome with emotion seeing her brother for the first time
and witnessing 13 other families meet their kids for the first time.

For the past 5-6 years especially, I have been extremely careful not to put down public school. (Okay, I DID just make my own snide comment about logic, but I digress.) We have chosen to homeschool for reasons that are unique to The Brown Seven. I don't expect any other family to embrace or desire homeschooling. I don't view public school as evil or stupid. I certainly wouldn't say something to another kid about how horrible public school is for them. I pray I've never even said anything to a child that implies that. Hearing other's rude comments will certainly keep me mindful of my own speech.

So how do I handle this issue with my kids? When they come home with these stories, how do Ken and I instruct them? We see it as an opportunity to practice graciousness, respectfulness, and intelligent conversation. That's why I love that Hannah answered a question with the same question. Without being rude or disrespectful, she basically showed the boy that one multiplication question can't prove you have no knowledge of math, homeschooled or otherwise. We are teaching our kids to consider others' perspectives. Maybe that mom who bashed homeschooling had a homeschool mom make her feel bad for sending her kids to public school. Maybe not, but let's give people the benefit of the doubt.

Developing Christ-like character is a major goal in our homeschool and a major reason we homeschool. These difficult people and situations will help us in achieving that goal, so I'll choose to be grateful.

(PS. I spelled derogatory wrong and had to use spell-check to make it right. And I have a bachelor's degree. What does that say about the quality of my education? Right! Nothing!!)

6 Weeks Home

2011-09-11T08:39:00.000-05:00

We've been home 6 weeks. We've had the boys 8 and 9 weeks. Is that really all? We've lived so much life with them over these couple of months, it's easy to forget how short our time has been together.

Daily, we see new things they do that remind us that they did, indeed have years of life before we entered into it. Sometimes, it's something adorable such as the way Travis will dance or put on a hat, then salute or do what looks to us like slow Tai Chi. We didn't teach him any of that! Sometimes it's sad, such as when this same child shows a look of terror when he does something he thinks is wrong. These events make us wish we had a video of their life we could play back now and then.

We had a few firsts this weekend! I went to work for the first time in almost 4 years. I should say "went to work in Texas for the first time" because I did work out of state last summer. Anyway, it was nice to get out and work again. I'm so thankful that my husband encouraged me to do it. I never would have gone it otherwise. My working for 10 hours over two days led to our other, more exciting first. When Ken left for the grocery store last night, Tian stood at the top of the stairs and cried, reaching out for Ken. Even my picking him up and hugging him didn't help. He tried to wiggle out of my arms to get to his daddy. And I could not have been more thrilled!

Both boys are zooming along very fast on their Strider bikes. Here they were their first week:

Here they are just a couple of weeks later:

In other news, the boys now actually like each other. They are still a bit competitive when it comes to me or Ken or a particular toy, but otherwise, they are playing together, hugging, laughing, and enjoying each other.

Travis has no less than 100 words and adds more all the time. Tian is probably up to at least 50 words and is also verbalizing some words. One of the lastest phrases they sign is "SEE SOON" when family leaves the house. From what we can tell, they truly understand that "SEE SOON" means that we ARE coming back. When I left for work this weekend, they stood out at the balcony, looking down to me and signing "SOON. SOON. SOON." Tian will say it, sounding like zi-zooooon.

See you soon!

Wordless Weekend

2011-09-02T22:00:00.000-05:00

I forgot to keep up with Wordless Wednesday, so to make up for it, here's Wordless Weekend. (Guess my comment and captions makes it not so wordless.)

"Fixing" the bike

Finding belly buttons

First day of school

Math at the park

Morning ritual

Already fans of fast cars

Who doesn't love a great book?

Family favorite

Poop Cookies Part 2

2011-08-28T18:18:00.000-05:00

Continued from Part 1...

Bring in iTunes and a few new downloaded albums:

Lemonade Mouth: Lemonade Mouth The kids wanted this after seeing the movie. The songs are catchy, fun, and have encouraging lyrics.
Toby Mac: Tonight We love Toby. We got the extended album and can't listen enough. The kids want to hear more of Toby's son "TruDog" Truett. I don't know why I didn't get this album sooner.
The Afters: Light Up the Sky Fun CD, the title track being my favorite song, but they are all good.

Listening to one of Toby Mac's songs, Hold On, I actually had tears well up as I thought how glad I am they have these words in their hearts and minds instead of songs that end with "I wanna have you naked by the end of this song." (And you who know me know I love me some Justin Timberlake.)

Here's a portion of the lyrics from "Hold On." (The portion that made me tear up. Mostly because I was thinking about my girls and how, just two days prior, they had come in feeling very bad about themselves because of how some other kids were treating them. THIS is the kind of music I want them to go to their rooms to listen to. Not something about having a gun and the other kids better run fast.)

Wake up to the rising sun
thank the Lord for the things He's done
lift your eyes up to the hope that's ever true
Wanna see you smiling girl
you're a light in this jaded world
wipe away those tears
this one's for you

Come on, move a little bit closer, you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah

[Chorus]

And the stars are up there shining for you
oh, the Father does adore you
His love will never change
And you and I
we were born to follow
the hope that will lead us to tomorrow
and no one can take it away

So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you could hold on
to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can stop this crazy, crazy love from breaking...

Yes! I don't care if my kids wanna listen to pop, country, hip hop, rap, or hard, heavy metal like Living Sacrifice. (Which, to me, sounds grating like hip hop/rap sounds to my mother.) as long as what is being engraved into their minds over and over and over again through the music is a message that is in line with our family's worldview, I'm good with it. You may have to remind me of this post when TJ is 12 and wanting to download every Living Sacrifice album.

At one point, we were listening to a song that we all agreed had a great sound, rhythm, and was just fun. But there in the middle of all the fun were some tacky lyrics. "But it's such a good song! That's just one little part of it." Yep. Poop cookies.

In our family, we all know the story we call "Poop Cookies." It goes something like this: A dad offers his daughters delicious chocolate chip cookies. He explains that he used special fine flour, the richest butter, the most expensive chocolate. He asked if they wanted one. Of course they did! Before they took a bite, he let them know he did add just a touch of the dog's poop from the backyard. As the girls gagged and threw the cookies across the room, he said, "But they are the BEST cookies with all the best ingredients. There is only a little tiny bit of dog poop."

Of course you wouldn't want the cookies touching your mouth. So why make the same compromise with what you put in your mind and what gets engrained there for your entire life?

Hearing parents are bad enough about not knowing what kids are listening to. (I'm an example. I was listening to stuff when I had no clue about the words.) For Deaf parents, I would want to take extra care to really look over the lyrics of popular songs as well as stuff on your kids' computers and iPods. Looking at the lyrics isn't always enough. (I'm thinking of Britney's song "If You Seek Amy.") Check the music video, too. That will provide even more insight into the band and meaning of the song lyrics. (Although not always. That song Pumped Up Kicks had a video that would never clue one in to the meaning of the song.) There are websites that analyze the meanings of songs. Many songs are interpreted on You Tube now and even by very good interpreters.

Eric Witteborg is my favorite. I love watching him preform songs. He hasn't done too many recently, but what he HAS done is unbelievable. Last month, he downloaded one minute of a super-fast rap song. It's WOW! I can't watch too many times. Cry Me a River is another favorite that he does.

Tiffany Hill is someone I've just discovered this week. She's GREAT! She has a couple of current popular songs posted right now. Her interpretation of "Firework" is awesome!

This guy is amazing, but be warned. ALL are explicit, very sexualized songs. But for Deaf parents, you can truly see the meaning of the song.

What about you Deaf parents or hearing parents? How do you monitor your kids music?

Poop Cookies Part 1

2011-08-28T18:13:00.003-05:00

Last week, I downloaded a few new albums. After trying to listen to Mix 102.9 for a while, I decided it just wasn't worth any of us having that mess in our minds. And I didn't even understand many of the lyrics we were listening to.

Just out of curiosity, I looked up the lyrics for this week's top 40 in pop music.

#1 Katy Perry Last Friday Night All about getting drunk, acting stupid, being naked, having a threesome and ready to do it again next week. Starts of "There's a stranger in my bed." Nice. Number one song. Wow.
#2 LMFAO: Party Rock Anthem Again, party, drink a lot, lose mind, wanna see a girl naked. Actually one of the tamest of the top 5.
#3 I was sad to read some of the lyrics from "Moves Like Jagger" because that song is so good. The kids and I love the chorus, the sounds, the beat, and love Adam Levine when he's singing clean music.
#4 and #5 Super Bass by Nicki Minaj and Lighter by Bad Meets Evil (Bruno Mars and Eminem)
These next two on the top 40 include the F-bomb in more than one instance. I know the songs are "cleaned up" for radio (ha!), but you're fooling yourself if you think kids don't know what's being left out. Kids also go find the "real" version of the song elsewhere. I know I did when I was younger.
#6: Give Me Everything by Pitbull. Basically, a song convincing a girl to have sex tonight because 1: you look good 2: the world might end 3: I'm going to drink too much and accidentally slip and fall on top of you. Hmm...really? That works, does it?
#7: Pumped up Kicks by Foster the People Can it be? Nothing about sex, drinking, or being naked?! Yes! Oh, but it's about shooting someone? Honestly, I'm not sure if there is deeper meaning behind this song, but reading the lyrics, it's one guy warning some other guys to run fast because this other dude has a gun and is ready to shoot them. ?? Maybe I'm under-analyzing.
#8: Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae Okay, so these lyrics are about equal to my era's "Dancing on the Ceiling." Not bad. Think I'll check the video to get more insight into the song meaning as well as the band. Umm...no. Okay, next?
#9: Good Life by One Republic Another one with a bad word, but not overly-offensive to me personally. Not one I'd want my kids to listen to. Aside from that, it's just a decent song with no redeeming qualities other than the chorus is very catchy.
#10: I Wanna Go by Britney Spears Well, what do you expect? Basically a song about her letting out all of her dirty thoughts and desire for sex.

So, out of the top ten of the top 40 songs, there was ONE that had no mention of either getting wasted or nakedness or sex. And that one was about a homicidal teenager, so that leaves us at a big, fat ZERO for decent music for my kids and me to rock to when we are in the car.
Continued....

Travis at Six Weeks

2011-08-27T22:51:00.000-05:00

Travis is nothing short of amazing. Really, he's just proving that a 3-year window of no language doesn't have to be a life sentence nor does it mean he will always be behind. The more he's with us, the more we can tell he hears nothing.

He's already communicating in phrases. These phrases started the other day when he went up to his dad, tapped him, then signed "DADDY! TURTLE!" then pointed to turtle.

Why is this such a big deal? After 6 weeks of exposure to ASL (a natural language to him since his eyes are his superhighway), he knows he can
1. tap people to get their attention. When we got him, he would just hold his hands up and cry. Now, he approaches us and taps us on the leg or arm. He taps his dad, me, his siblings, and even tapped our dentist to tell him he saw a train. (I should add that he does still whine at times when he wants something, but he watches us with great interest so he can learn how to communicate his wants and needs.)
2. call his dad by name when addressing him
3. identify what he wants by name
4. show his dad where it is.
This is his first sentence. "Daddy! Look at the turtle!"

Just yesterday, he had a piece of chocolate cake. (His first taste of it for all we know.) He was an instant fan and asked for more. I gave him one more bite and he asked for even more. I told him we were "all done" with the cake. "FINISH!" He looked up on the counter, spying the cake, pointed, and signed "CAKE."
I explained "YES. CAKE. EAT LATER. NOT NOW. GRAPES? YOU WANT? GRAPES. EAT NOW."
He studied me intently while I told him this twice.
While he was watching me, he was forming the sign "NOW". This was a new one for him. He didn't have his hands exactly right, so he worked until his hands were in the perfect "Y" position and signed NOW. He looked at me with a grimace and shook his head "no" while signing NOW (meaning "not now"), then signed "GRAPES. YES. CAKE LATER." "Later" was also new to him. At first, he signed it with the "ILY" handshape instead of the "L." He thrust his hand forward toward me so I would "fix" his hand to make it correct. We love seeing him do this and he does it often. He's not satisfied until he gets it right. We think we have a perfectionist on our hands. Oh, it reminds me...I put up a poster of the alphabet in English and ASL. He copied every single handshape, practicing until he had it right. He'll be signing his ABCs in no time!

He mimics language conversations and it is SO cute! In the mornings, Travis lies between Ken and me. Ken and I visit and he watches. He has started adding to the conversation, stringing some unrelated signs he knows with some nonsense hand movements. The other morning it was like this:
hands moving FAN TRUCK HANNAH hands moving DADDY MOMMY LOVE hands moving TIAN TRAVIS FAN YES pointing out the window YES.

Travis understands that Ken and I use ASL to communicate. He's copying how our conversation looks. He's "babbling" just like any toddler would. And at 6 weeks, we are impressed, but not surprised. We just wish more people could witness what constant exposure to visual language can DO for a deaf child! Yes, even (I would say especially) a profoundly deaf child who has had zero language exposure for his first three years.

A few things Travis can tell us:
He loves us. We love him. He needs to potty. He needs to poop. He wants food. He wants: milk, crackers, bread, cake, grapes, water, watermelon, meat, eggs, etc. He wants to put on his shoes. He wants us to look at something. He wants to ride his bike. His brother is crying. Daddy is sleeping. I could go on and on. Most of these statements are two-sign phrases or one sign with a pointing reference.

Personality-wise, Travis is just a doll. Certainly, he has his toddler moments and can push his little brother or fight over a toy or cry because he's not getting what he wants, but overall, his temperament is very easy-going and sweet. He loves to help us with chores: sweeping, handing me clean dishes from the dishwasher, and putting away groceries.

Even though he's still not Tian's biggest fan, he shows compassion to him. Today, Tian was wailing because I had the audacity to not allow him to stand on the windowsill. I was holding Tian when Travis came up behind him, kissing the back of his head and patting him.

He loves to kiss and hug, especially first thing in the morning or at bed time, but really, any time. In the mornings, he smiles from ear to ear, lying between Ken and me, hugging both of our necks and having us kiss his cheeks at the same time...over and over again. He takes turns kissing us on the mouth, then on the forehead, then on the head. Then he pulls us together so we all three kiss at the same time. He will sign DADDY LOVE TRAVIS. MOMMY LOVE ME.

Yes, we certainly do!

Tian at Seven Weeks

2011-08-27T22:47:00.001-05:00

Little Tian. He's such a little goofball and a fireball of love and giggles. He's a ham that certainly likes to have the attention on him. Many times, he seems older than he really is. I have to constantly remind myself that he has just turned two.

Tian likes to hug, kiss, blow kisses, wrestle, tumble, and do lots of things that 2 year-olds like to do. He's silly and loves to laugh. He'll make faces or silly sounds if he thinks it will make us laugh at him. (Much like his older brother!) He has an ornery streak and daily tests me on the rules. He's very sly, clever and understated when he's being mischievous.

He says quite a few words:
mama, baba, milk (mow), Hannah (anna), potty (pah-e), no no, TJ (ee-ay), Mackenzie (enzie), there he is (dah-e-is), bed, night-night (nie-nie) etc. He will mimic just about any sound we make, but doesn't speak much to communicate. He mostly uses one-word signs for that. While we have no doubt that he can hear and can certainly hear our speech, I still have a gut feeling that he has hearing differences. Just not sure what those are yet.

Tian has figured out how each person communicates in our family. He is doing the same thing all the other kids did when they were little. He will look at Ken and start moving his hands to mimic our signs. While doing this, he will silently move his mouth. I need to get it on video.

Tian is probably has about 30 signs. I should make a list this week. He makes many of those signs with the "f" or "1" handshapes since he doesn't have fine motor skills to do much else. We present language to him visually because we know beyond doubt that he can receive it. We don't have to worry about what he can or can't hear. He understands the majority of what we say/sign to him. He also mimics many spoken words and almost any sound we make.

This week, we had a couple of Chinese friends come over to visit. This was the boys' first time to be in such close contact with Chinese people. At first, Tian gripped on to me, but he quickly warmed up and even went to them, letting them hold him and sitting on their laps.

He still seemed to understand a lot of the Mandarin they spoke to him, but he wouldn't mimic the Mandrin words like he mimics English. Not sure why that is. We were so happy to have these new friends visit and hope to continue our friendship. We love the idea of the boys being around other Chinese people. We live in a community full of Asians, but mostly Korean, not Chinese.

Tian is sleeping all night. We can even leave him in the crib when he's still awake and he will go to sleep happy. He loves that TJ is in there with him. Last week, TJ sneaked Tian out of the crib and into his bed and read to him for a while before returning Tian to the crib. This thrills my heart. TJ had been hurt in the past because Tian lets the girls hold him, change him, and "mother" him. He doesn't let TJ do the same. So this evening ritual they have is special for them both. I love the bonds Tian is developing with each of his siblings.

What joy Tian is bringing to our family! Seven weeks. Can that really be all? Can't imagine our family without him!

Jill Radford's Letter of Resignation to Utah School for the Deaf

2011-08-27T08:52:00.000-05:00

Jill's letter is eloquent and beautifully-written. It's not only a problem in Utah, but all over the nation.
To Whom It May Concern:

To be a leader, one must have courage, passion, and vision. It is beyond doubt that USDB’s current superintendent has courage; he fears nothing and no one. It is also true that he is possessed of the passion and vision to promote the listening and spoken language skills for Deaf and hard of hearing children (and I use the capitol ‘D’ here to emphasize the specific and separate cultural and linguistic community of Deaf, hard of hearing, and hearing individuals). Yes, he fulfills the three necessary attributes of the leader – but in this case, he does so under only one specific methodology. Unfortunately, he has been chosen the leader of a school with the vision of a dual track. His leadership is therefore ineffective in its current application. Without dedicated support for ALL programs, schools, and classes, the office of the superintendent will continue to fall short of its responsibilities.

Through my years of service to my position, it has become increasingly evident to me that the problem goes much deeper than this office. Quite simply, the system in Utah is broken beyond repair. As long as the current climate remains status quo, the battle will be ongoing for Deaf and hard of hearing students hoping to be educated in their natural language. The attacks on Schools of the Deaf will continue unabated. The students of these schools will forever shoulder the blame for a desperately flawed system – a system that allows students who have “failed” the LSL or mainstreaming approach to be given the opportunity to learn using American Sign Language as their means of communication. Under the current educational structure, “failed” students are given a second track through which to learn, but years of development are lost in the process. As a result of these lost years, these improperly served students of Schools of the Deaf are forced into a game of continuous “catch up.” The culture of “failure” is thusly perpetuated.

It has become evident to me that I can no longer serve an office that continues to blame these “failures” on the student rather than the system itself. Further, I can no longer in good conscience serve a system that views the Deaf community as an enemy to be silenced at all costs. And I can no longer be a part of an office that does not value the individuals most dedicated to improving the life experience of others like themselves.

In my years of service, JMS has become a part of my soul. It devastates me to have to write this letter. I have tried to put my feelings behind me and do what I think is right from within my current position. But at the time of this writing, I have found clarity. As long as I remain in this post, I am hindered in my ability to fight for the ensured success of all students served in the Utah education system. If I hope to exact real and measurable change, I simply cannot continue to work for a superintendent who so blatantly demoralizes the efforts, dedication, and passion of the faculty and staff at JMS. And so with a heavy heart, I submit this letter of resignation. I anticipate my last day two weeks from today and request administrative leave until that date.

While this is a letter of resignation, it is not a concession. I will continue to fight as a Deaf adult for the rights and needs of Deaf and hard of hearing children all across this great state. I will not rest until students such as these have access to a visual language (ASL), literacy skills, and oracy skills.

Sincerely,

Jill Radford, Ed.S.

Meant To Be

2011-08-25T13:50:00.002-05:00

This links to my post one year ago today.

Ken nor I could have imagined that one year later, we would have only been home a month....and with TWO little ones!

We are beyond thankful that we didn't let others' reactions deter us from bringing home both Tian and Travis. I wish I could have captured some of the faces and "are they crazy?!" glances we saw when we told people we were even considering adopting two. It happened so much that I began to preface our announcement by saying, "I know it's crazy, but...."

It's not crazy. It's what God clearly led us to do. Because Ken and I talked about it, prayed about it, and kept our eyes and hearts open to His leading, we knew when we saw Travis' file that he was our son. We looked at two other files. Last week, out of curiosity, I looked back at those files. I pray they have forever families. I didn't see them on a shared list any more. They are precious boys, too, and worthy of love, hard work, a forever family. But they weren't our boys. I had read over and over again of families who saw a photo and "just knew." It doesn't always happen that way, but it certainly did with us with both boys. Now we can't imagine our days without them both.

The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, for

“Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:14-16

I wish I could say that I always have "the mind of Christ" in every situation, every decision, every action. That would be a lie. So often, I ask God for direction, but just don't see it. Just as often, I don't even consider seeking God before jumping into a project, confronting my kids or husband in aggravation, or heading to the internet to try to find some help and answers.

This adoption process forced me to my knees. (Not literally. I've never been a knee-pray-er.) The utter uselessness, inability to control, unknowns and downright scary moments leave me completely dependent on Him. The more Ken and I were open to the sometimes frighting things we felt God calling us to, the more He made it clear we were on the right track.

Now, we have these five incredible kids. Two new Brownies that we can't imagine living without. Yes, they wear us out some days. Yes, we'll have to buy more groceries, spend more when we travel, put them in fewer outside activities, wait a few more years before I go back to work, and not give them every single little thing they want, but who can compare those things with the joy they have brought us, the fact that they are out of temporary homes and orphanages, and the fact that we are a family. Forever!

[As a side note, I've seen some chatter on various blogs where people despise the fact that people like me would dare to say these boys being in our family was God's will. "Was it God's will that they be relinquished by their birth family? God's will that Travis be deaf and Tian be born with a deformity? God's will that the boys would be "ripped" (as it is stated) from their birth country?" Yes. I do believe that. As ticked off as that might make some, I most certainly do. Do I believe their suffering (and the suffering of others) grieves the heart of God? Yes. But I also still believe Travis and Tian were always to be a part of our family. I found it interesting that one of the guides in China said the Chinese people themselves believe these kids were "predestined" to be in our families. Interesting.]

Forgiveness and Funnies

2011-08-21T22:41:00.000-05:00

A few cute, funny, or warm-hearted things happened this week that I need to note.

1. I discovered little two-year-old Tian on the floor, holding a baby doll with one hand on the wrist and the other on the head, teaching it to sign "daddy". He was saying, "Baba. Baba." (Which means "daddy" in Mandrin.)

2. Outside the other night, the Brownies were playing with friends. Ken and I were watching the two littles ride their new Strider Bikes. As we were gathering up the boys to come inside, I asked TJ to grab one of the Striders. TJ was lagging behind and one of his friends, who happens to be Black (that will matter in a second), asked TJ if he could ride the Strider. TJ told him that, no, it's just for our family. (Truly, he should have said it's just for the little boys, but I digress.) TJ's friend ran to his sister, who was playing with our girls, and said, "TJ just told me only white people can ride that bike!" We all cracked up. Either he was being silly or he really misunderstood TJ. The boy's sister just looked at him and said, "I don't know you."

3. Such a sweet thing happened this week. Hannah was getting a little bit rowdy playing with the boys. She was on the floor, roughhousing with Travis when his head accidentally slammed into her nose. She began crying in pain, saying that she heard a crack. Ouch! Not hearing her cry or seeing her face that she had buried in her hands, Travis just laughed. I pulled him off of her and then jumped up to get her into the kitchen for some ice.

After getting a bag of ice on her nose, I went back into the bedroom to find Travis, standing with his face hidden in the side of the crib, looking sad and scared. It hit me: This boy has NO idea what's going to happen to him! He doesn't have history with our family to have any clue. I knelt down in front of him, lifted his face, and rubbed his forehead, asking if he was okay. With that, he began sobbing a sad, hurtful sob that broke my heart. I hugged him, kissed his forehead 50 times, rocked him and hugged him tighter. He cried for a good 3 minutes. He doesn't normally cry much, but I know his "physical hurt" cry. His tears weren't from a bumped head. He was grieved over what happened and it seemed he felt like he did something wrong.

Hannah came in, still full of tears herself, and sat down. He looked at her and she told him it was okay, she knew it was an accident. She held out her arms to him and he smiled and ran to her, hugging and kissing her over and over.

Forgiveness. Had he experienced that before? Had he simply been "put away" until the situation calmed down? Had he been punished in such circumstances? Had he just been given the silent treatment?

After the hugging stopped, I explained to both boys that, in our family, we forgive just like Jesus forgave us. We don't hold grudges. Accident or not, we forgive. Period.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

I told Hannah that I'm sorry she hurt her nose, but I was glad that happened. The boys are adjusting so well that I sometimes neglect to think about the fact that they haven't been with us, therefore they can't anticipate what our reactions will be to new events.

A New Homeschooling Adventure

2011-08-19T23:22:00.001-05:00

This year poses an entirely new series of challenges I've not yet faced in my 7 years of homeschooling. I have older kids that will need more serious study time. It makes me tear up to think that Hannah is entering sixth grade! I so remember sixth grade. What an awkward year. Fifth grade, I first realized the hierarchy of cliques among school kids. Sixth grade was fun. (My teacher was Mrs. Brown. I had no idea I, too, would become a Mrs. Brown!) I was in a small Christian school where my mom was teaching. There were eight kids in our class: four boys and four girls. I met a friend that year that ended up being one of my best friends ever. We had so much fun that year and in years to come, even though she moved out of town and I moved to a public school. But I digress....

Hannah is a sixth-grader! Okay, I'm in full-on tears now. My other two school-aged kids are entering 4th and 3rd grade. (I loved my teachers during these grades. What carefree days those were.)

Now, I am responsible for their education AND our two newest Brownie sons. The boys are only two and three, but they are both "blank slates" linguistically (ASL/English). Tian has obviously been exposed to spoken Mandarin, but Travis came to us with no, and I mean NO language whatsoever. So, this year, in addition to schooling my older three, I'll need to manage two toddlers and work with each of them, feeding them as much language as I possibly can.

How do I plan to do this? Well, right now, our goal is to establish ASL as their first language. That means we sign everything. Tian can hear speech, so he hears his siblings, hears me talking, hears the TV, and hears my iPod playing podcasts, but ASL will be the priority language for now. The boys will also be exposed to written English by seeing the words in books. We will focus on identifying objects, colors, letters and numbers. For the boys, this year's school plan is just to get them caught up to their age linguistically with ASL as their primary language.

English is crucial to their future success and independence. Notice I didn't say speaking English or listening to English. Fluency in written English, both in understanding and in an ability to express themselves, is vital to their success and independence as older kids and then adults. However, the boys are just barely two and three, so this year, we will really focus on their acquiring their first, primary language, ASL.

We will certainly take advantage of speech training in the coming years, but that's not even on our radar at this point. There are far too many more important things for them to focus their time, energy and brain power on right now.

In my past post, I talked a bit about language development for deaf kids. That lays out a path of sorts for me to keep focused. Since Tian can hear speech, his and Travis' language development will look different for sure. So far, it's been lots of fun to see them both grow so much, so quickly, in such a short period of time.

As for the Brownies, we're keeping it pretty basic this year with the Three Rs. Here's what we have going so far:

Math: Mixture of Singapore and Teaching Textbooks

Writing: The girls are taking Institute of Excellence in Writing with an excellent homeschool mom/teacher. I'm SO thrilled about that for them!

History: We are on our 3rd year of a two-year history core with Sonlight. I am giving myself this year to finish and think that is a pace with which I can keep up. We are at the end of the Civil War moving forward.

Bible: We haven't been in AWANA for the past three and a half years, but I was looking through the AWANA handbooks this week and plan to work through memorization with the kids. I'm also going to read through Leading Little Ones to God with my two middles. I'm still on the lookout for a devotional/plan for Hannah. I have some Doorposts books I might have her utilize, but she needs to want to do it, so that's something we need to figure out this week.

Science: We really slacked on formal science last year, but we took tons and tons of nature walks/rides around Andy Brown Park. We observed snakes (for hours), beavers, fish, bullfrogs, and all kinds of waterfowl.

I have a lot of science books and supplies unused from last year, so we'll be picking up where we left off with Sonlight Science D. In addition, I'm considering just letting my kids watch Myth Busters every week and that be science. Seriously, the other day, I asked my daughter why they were blowing up toilets and she answered, "They believe that the water in the toilet carries highly combustable substances that will cause it to explode when....blah blah blah..." Yeah. Love MythBusters. In fact, it's 10:30pm and their bedtime choice of TV time was MythBusters: MacGyver Myths.

Reading: The Brownies enjoy reading, so this isn't a huge challenge. I AM going to have my oldest read something other than Harry Potter. She has read those books over and over and would keep doing so if I let her. Kenzie loves hitting the library and picking up chapter books at random, though she mostly picks stories involving a girl close to her age. TJ seems to like the Magic Tree House books, so I will encourage him to read through those this year.

That's it for this year! The kids each have a handwriting book, typing tutor games on the computer, spelling activities, Draw-Write-Now books they adore, tons of language arts workbooks and other things I can give them if they need extra work. In my dreams, I'd like to have them each think back on the China trip and do some writing and research about things they saw there. That may just be a pipe dream, though.

Despite the long list of stuff above, I truly just want the kids to learn to work independently this year. My goal for the older three is for them to self-start, manage their time, and improve their diligence regarding school work. They also have their chores and extra jobs they can do to earn a commission, so add "money management" to this year's syllabus!

Homeschooling is a challenge. This year presents a whole new challenge. *deep breath* Here we go!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-17T23:03:00.000-05:00

One Month Later

2011-08-16T22:52:00.000-05:00

Wednesday marks one month that we've had Travis. That means we've had Tian for one month and 6 days. :)

We are continuing to learn so much about the boys and their personalities. We truly can't imagine them NOT being with us. They are just Brownies. Plain and simple. They don't seem to have really grieved the loss of their life in China. Ken and I totally expect it to hit at some point, but it hasn't happened yet that we can tell. We show them photos (we are so fortunate to have many) of their first years. They look at the photos with great interest. They smile and wave and seem to enjoy looking at the photos. Our hope is that looking at photos helps them remember their early years and keeps some continuity in their minds.

They are settled into a daily routine and sleep schedule. Most of our days are just spent hanging out and getting to know each other better, looking at books, playing outside, watching TV (it's so hot, TV time happens more than usual this summer), and playing with toys. They both still wake up one or two times every night. They fall right back to sleep after we give them a hug.

Some of you may wonder how we are feeling about adopting two at once. Ken and I both love it! I'd lie if I said it was easy. There are lots of ups and downs. Having two toddlers is just as hard as it was when I had THREE toddlers a number of years ago, but we wouldn't change a thing. The boys aren't "tight" just yet, but they are growing on each other and seem to engage with each other more every day.

I have tried to jot down the signs the boys are doing now. I'm sure I'm missing some, but here's my list. I'm only listing signs he has initiated on his own at some point. He will copy anything we show him. He will also practice and perfect the sign until he gets it right. So very adorable!

Travis has just about 50 signs already!!
wait
what
Travis
love
who
sad (he's SO cute when he signs this one)
cry
happy
hot
corn
banana
cracker
candy
cookie
home
yes
no
boat
butterfly
turtle (we love to see him try to get his hands just right for this one)
flower
more
drink
food/eat
Daddy
Momma
water
potty
shoes
"get dressed"
fish
finish (all done)
airplane (he will show various speeds when he signs this)
rocket
helicopter
car
truck (today, he signed fire truck)
bike
dog
bear
baby

Tian is signing:
Daddy, Mama, potty, more, food, fish, shoes, socks, car, airplane, what, cracker, candy, cookie, hot, TJ, Hannah, (he's working on Mackenzie), cry, milk, shoes, socks, star, bird. I'm pretty sure he has more, but I can't think of them all at this point.

I have more to post, but it will have to wait until tomorrow. It's way past my bed time.

Day at Children's

2011-08-10T09:20:00.000-05:00

It was a surprisingly nice day today at Children's Medical Center in downtown Dallas. We went early this morning, expecting to spend about an hour and a half there, getting the boys each a physical exam then referrals to various needed specialists. We ended up staying five hours, seeing not only the pediatrician, but getting blood work done, and seeing an audiologist and ENT.

The two middle Brownies visited their Nana and Pappy's house while Hannah stayed with us for the appointment. We were met in the parking garage by Liz, the lady we've been communicating with since first registering for the international adoption services. She took us to the pediatrician's office. A sweet volunteer, known as the waiting room "grandma" was in there, ready to help us by playing with the kids while we filled out paperwork. She was super sweet and we enjoyed visiting with her.

Having fun with a magnifier.

Each boy got a full physical, then were observed for their developmental level. They did so well! They didn't fuss at all during the exam and they participated nicely during the observed playtime.

Listening to the heart

Travis' scars seem to be from chicken pox. That's reassuring to us as we found ourselves imagining the worst. We don't have the full report regarding the boys' developmental levels yet, but it seems Tian is pretty close to being on track and Travis seems to only be behind with language, but we aren't worried about that. He is adding new signs every day and is very smart.

Next, we headed over to the lab for bloodwork. They will be testing for infectious diseases, lead levels, and a few other things. We also got the cups to take stool samples. Fun times, I know, but we do want them checked for parasites. Giardia is a common parasite picked up in China, so they will test their stool for any of that business.

Tian had fallen asleep on our way over to the lab. He was groggily waking up when the nurse began cleaning his arm. He didn't shed one tear! Travis cried a bit, but the nurse had to poke a few times before getting a good flow from his arm, so who can blame him. As soon as the needle was out, Hannah was there with Skittles to help ease the owie.

It ended up that the audiologists had an opening, so we headed upstairs to see them. Both boys' eardrums aren't moving. That may be due to the fluid in their ears from the ear infections. During the hearing test, Travis didn't respond to any noise. They cranked the sound up to 95dB, but he "didn't even flinch", as the audiologist put it. Not surprising to us.

Tian certainly heard the audiologist's voice over the speakers. He looked whatever direction the sound was coming from and even copied her saying, "Uh-oh!" When it came to some of the sounds though, he didn't respond. I think some things he simply didn't hear, but I also believe some of it was because he wasn't getting a response from me. In the beginning, he would hear the sounds, look at me and "gasp," wanting me to say something to him, acknowledging that I heard it, too. I was not allowed to respond to him. After about 10 times of turning to me, excited by what he heard, and me not giving him any feedback, he sunk back, burying his left ear into my chest and ignoring any sound coming from the speakers.

Due to their eardrums not vibrating and the infections, the audiologists wanted to get them to an ENT. The ENT there had an opening, so we went down the hall to see him. He said it appears Travis has had chronic ear infections. They also commented that, after 7 days on antibiotics, the boys' ears should look better than they do, so he decided they both would benefit from tubes being put in their ears to help with the draining. While the boys are under anesthesia, they will have an ABR hearing test done. An ABR simply tests the brain's response to sound (using electrodes stuck on their forehead and behind each ear) while the kids are sleeping or under anesthesia.

Why all the hearing tests if we sign anyway? Well, first of all, we would like definitive answers as to what they can and can't hear. We're pretty sure Travis is 100% deaf, but with Tian, he can hear some. We will utilize whatever hearing he does have. Secondly, in order for the boys to receive early childhood services and other medical services, we need a valid auditory report.

Tian has mictotia and atresia of his right ear. We are curious what's behind his closed ear. His entire middle ear could be un-formed; it could just be his outer ear, we don't know. We do not plan to do any "repairs" on that ear, but still want to be completely informed.

The people at Children's were friendly, informative, and helpful. They seemed genuinely interested in our family and our boys. The facility itself is not only HUGE, but beautiful. It's so colorful and family-friendly. We were impressed and pleasantly surprised. (Soon, I'll post about our plans for the boys regarding their language, literacy, etc.)

8 Days Home

2011-08-07T15:07:00.000-05:00

How are the boys doing?

First of all, they were both sick! We got them to the pediatrician Wednesday (??) after Travis was running fever and coughing and Tian's cough still wasn't letting up. They both had major ear infections. Tian's pulse O2 was low, so he got a breathing treatment. Travis got his ears cleaned out. I so wish I had taken a picture. He had a good 1/2 inch of waxy, dirty, gunk pulled out of his right ear. His left ear was a bit better, but the doc uncovered a watermelon seed! What?! He hasn't had watermelon with us. Who knows how long it had been in there? At least it hadn't sprouted yet. (And yes, he's still deaf.) They are improving a bit after several days on a strong antibiotic. I was pleasantly surprised that the doc recommended probiotics for the boys as well.

Developmentally, Travis is improving at an amazing rate. He signs more and more every day. Right now, Travis' signs are:

cracker (new today), yes, more, food/eat, Daddy, water, potty, shoes, fish, finish (all done), and of course airplane, car, bike, dog, bear, baby and some others he's been signing since China.

He will also sometimes sign happy, sad, sleep, and a few others. He's still copying anything we sign to him. Today, he started "parroting" many phrases Ken signs to him. This is great, because it's a normal part of language development. We are just amazed at how quickly he's doing it!

Every morning, I take the boys out for a walk to the park about 1/2 mile away. We go just before sunrise so we can play for a good hour before the heat kicks in. During our half-mile walk, the boys interact with each other in the double stroller. Yesterday, they were delighting in the airplanes flying overhead. When Tian pointed and signed "airplane" with his "f" handshape, Travis grabbed his hand and corrected him, pushing down his middle fingers and pulling up his index, pinky and thumb. Then he signed "airplane" in Tian's face, showing him the correct way. SO SO smart! I'm amazed that he was communicated with as if he was an animal for the past two years.

Tian is signing AND talking. The more he's with us, the more I feel like he has complete hearing in his left ear. He signs many of the same things Travis does: Daddy (he says "baba"), Mama, potty, more, food, fish, shoes, etc. He is also SAYING: mama, baba, bye bye, uh-oh, fish (he says fsshh), I love you (sounds like "I nuh new"), Hannah, more (sounds like "MO-ee"), "there he is!" and no.

They both took to the car seat very well. No fussing at all. A few times, Tian has decided after 20 minutes or so that he's ready to get out and will arch his back, but that's short-lived and we aren't driving much longer than 20 minutes at a time, so, all is well.

As far as adjusting to the family, the boys just seem to be "at home." They like us, even love us, it seems. They give us hugs and kisses, laugh, don't want to be more than a couple of yards away from us. This week, we will be working on getting Tian more comfortable with his daddy. He will go to Ken, but is still kinda moody about going to him for comfort, sleep, etc. Travis will come to me, allow me to put him to sleep, feed him, etc., but he still chooses his dad over me if we're both around. I love it!

The three older Brownies are doing well, too. We take time to hang out with them, visit with them, snuggle with them and give them attention. They are still such a huge help! I can't imagine doing this journey without them. The two boys love their siblings. Ken and I know the older kids were a major factor in helping the boys adjust and feel comfortable here. Again, we are so thankful and credit their adjustment to lots of prayer, God's grace, and preparation.

We've had a few visitors and the boys have done well. They don't seem upset to see visitors, nor do they want to leave with our guests. We have learned that short and sweet visits are best. We still don't feel 100% normal yet and get SO very tired pretty easily. We certainly aren't up to playing host by any stretch of the imagination. I still feel like I have a lot of work to do around the house, but in my short spurts of "free" time, I feel the need to sleep. Meals being brought several times per week has been a true God-send. If you ever have the chance to schedule meals for a family or just bring a meal to a family going through a transition, do it! Don't ask them if you can. Just do it!

The boys are napping at the moment. My littlest one just started crying. He doesn't wake, but cries and flails. He won't let me touch him. He did this a few times in China. I put him on the ground and let him flail and toss and turn. He finally opened his eyes, looked shocked, and held up his arms to me. I rocked him and he was "back asleep" (I don't think he was every truly awake) within seconds. Poor guy. Those are the moments I wish I could know exactly what they are thinking.

Darkness

2011-08-07T14:58:00.002-05:00

Just after my previous post, Ken and I both fell into a "funk" that we knew would hit. We were both so tired, it physically hurt. Emotionally, we were drained. Sleep deprived, trying to adjust to schedules, sick boys, Hannah sick, trying to parent these two new members of the family and still run the house and, for Ken, get back to work. Tuesday really was tough for us. I would describe it as dark, desperate, and depressing.

The beauty? We knew to expect it! We are so very thankful for adoptive parents who were honest about their adoption experience. We're grateful for those who don't try to make it all look like sunshine and rainbows. We had been told we would go through a grieving period. Just like the boys will grieve for all they lost (birth families, foster family, nannies, the familiar), we will grieve for our "past life." Having three kids above age eight is a breeze compared to having five kids, two of them toddlers who are new to your family, your routine, your country, time zone, and your culture. Tuesday was the day the thought of "What have we DONE?!" popped into our heads. What would we be doing right now if we hadn't gone to China? How in heaven's name am I going to homeschool my school-aged kids with these needy boys around? How am I going to give Travis, especially, the one-on-one time he needs to language development? What. Have. We. Done?!

Again, because those who went before us told us that feeling would come, then would go because God's mercy is new every morning, we acknowledged this feeling to each other and, as best we could, laughed it off. For me, I told Ken, through tears, "I know it will get better. I have no regrets. But for the moment, this sucks."

And guess what? God's mercies ARE new every morning. Each morning got a little better. Each night, the boys slept longer and longer with fewer wake-ups. For the past 3 nights, the boys have slept at least 9 hours. They're going to bed close to 8:00 and waking around 5:00. We still hope to tweak that a bit so that they sleep more like 9pm to 6:30 or 7:00, but we can't complain about their sleep schedule right now. It's truly amazing and an answer to prayer.

What God called us to do, He will carry it to completion. He didn't call us to lead an easy life with few cares. He called us to do this amazing, hard, beautiful, blessed thing by parenting FIVE kids. Ken and I couldn't be more joy-filled than we are with our five Brownies. They bless our life and those blessings far outweigh the tough and sometimes dark times.

Three Days Home

2011-08-01T18:11:00.000-05:00

Three days home and we are working on falling into a routine. It's sometimes surreal to look at the boys and see them here in the house after all this time of waiting.

Night times are very tough. I have gotten no more than a few hours sleep at a time for the past five days, so I'm ready for a solid 5-6 hours tonight. The boys did better last night, but still wake up briefly often throughout the night, checking to make sure we are there and crying a bit.

Mornings are good. The boys are happy and awake, as are the rest of us. We've developed a morning routine of breakfast, outside play at sunrise, snack, indoor play, lunch, then naps. Afternoons are tough because the boys want to stay asleep and are fussy when we wake them. It's too dang hot to go outside (111 today!), so we are making plans to go out somewhere, either Bass Pro Shops or Target. To help overcome jetlag, we need to get outdoors in the sunshine and also stay active as much as we can.

Tian is very congested and still has a cough he's had since we got him. Hannah seems to have the flu. Could you pray for her to feel better? Travis has been running a fever today and is beginning to cough as well. We will get them all to the doctor this week. While I'm sorry to have some sick kids, I'm thankful they didn't get sick in China. We can deal with fevers and cough here in the States.

Despite the feelings of illness we're experiencing, we are happy to be home. The boys are doing so well. They still don't like being too far or out of sight of any of us. They are enjoying playing together and with their other siblings. These days and nights are hard, but as with the entire trip, it's all worth it!

First 30 Hours Home

2011-08-01T17:15:00.000-05:00

The airport greeting crew was such a welcome sight as we walked through the terminal of DFW toward baggage claim. I want to apologize here for not getting the word out very well about our flight home. As you can read, it was a whirlwind, especially there at the end. The plane was basically backing out as we boarded in LA. My hands were shaking and I was holding a sleeping Tian, so I could barely hold my phone, much less type out a message and get it sent to everyone before I had to turn off the phone. For those who wanted to be there, but weren't, I know you were with us in spirit on our entire journey.

Those who did come helped us get home. Home. It felt unbelievably nice to walk in and smell the smells of our own home. It smelled like America! It smelled like freedom!

TJ got out of the car, walked into the garage, grabbed his fishing pole and headed to the pond to fish. He had been aching to fish for weeks and this early morning hour was the perfect time for him.

The rest of us came upstairs and introduced the boys to their new home. They both loved the Hot Wheels cars and airplanes and adored the slide on TJ's bed.

Hannah went right to the couch to sleep. Nana and Pappy stayed for about 10 minutes to help us get situated, then they headed back home for some sleep of their own. (They had come to the house the night before to turn on the AC and put some food in the fridge. The temp in the house was 97 degrees! Needless to say, they didn't sleep in that heat, so they were ready for rest.

All of us napped after a couple of hours. Slept several hours each.

Our dear friends stopped by with dinner. The meal was such a blessing, because I felt like I couldn't move. So. Very. Tired.

Nana came back later in the evening to help unpack. We Brownies were all just tired and felt run over.

Sleep was not great. Tian only slept 45 minutes, then another 30 or so. He didn't want to be in his crib and would wake up and grab on to my neck before drifting back off for a very short sleep.

Travis didn't stay in his bed, either. Ken laid down with him. He slept about two hours or so, but also woke.

By 2:30, all of my Brownies were awake. Hannah had slept all day, waking up in the evening, so she was still functioning on China time. I let Ken sleep while I stayed up with the kids.

At sunrise, TJ headed out to the pond to fish. At 7:30, the girls and I took Tian and Travis out to see TJ and play on the playground. The sand seemed to be a new experience for them. Sliding down the steep slide, they each got a mouthful of sand.

Travis went grocery shopping with Ken while Tian played "tennis" in the courts, the only place we could find shade.

How we've felt emotionally:

totally thankful to be home. The hassle, headache, and physical pain of our trip home are all worth it for us to just BE HOME!

grateful that we have the boys here and all 7 of us are together.

thankful that the boys appear to feel comfortable here. They are going to have rough nights and some grieving to do, but they are adjusting very well.

in love with my family. I don't know what I would do without my love, my teammate, my partner Ken. He is an amazing man, husband, father and leader of our home. I'm lost without him.

How we've felt physically:

drained, sore throats all around (expect our middle child), several of us have flu-like symptoms, which are typical for jet lag fatigue.
heavy and dizzy. I've felt very off-balance since we hit Shanghai. Yesterday, a few of us, including me, felt very heavy, as if wearing a weight vest.

From everything we've read about jet lag, this should all work itself out within the next two weeks.

The Rest of the Story - Part 3

2011-08-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

I don't know what I was expecting the international arrival area to look like, but it was nothing like I imagined. It was very "governmental," dark, and colorless. We stood in a que to process our paperwork. Our passports were looked over and stamped. We handed over the boys' visa documents then those were passed on to the proper people. Ken grabbed all of our bags and we headed down for more waiting in line. Ken was able to get all of our boarding passes except his, so we split up and I went on with all the kids through security. Not fun, but we got through it.

Ken got through 20 minutes later and we headed to the Admiral's Club. It was so nice to be in a quiet spot. Hannah was feeling sick, cold, and clammy. I was worn out from almost no sleep in 40+ hours, so both Hannah and I slept (on the floor and a chair) for a short time. TJ and Kenz found a playroom and took the boys there. It was a cute little room, just perfect for them to play and us not worry about disturbing others.

We didn't make the first flight, but another was boarding just after, so we headed to that gate. We were positive that if any of us made it, it would not be all of us. The flights were all packed and we were down the list of standbys.

Sure enough, after calling about eight standby people ahead of us, four of us could get on. Hannah tearfully said she wanted to stay behind with her dad and Travis. We were all tearing up by the time we got up to get our boarding passes. That's when the lady said she could take one more. Hannah declined through even more tears, saying she didn't want to leave Ken and Travis "alone." Such a sweetie. And she was feeling so very sick.

Then, as if God made seats appear on the plane, they said they could get all 3 of them on! They asked a couple of people to move to the exit rows so that our kids could sit elsewhere. Obviously, two people agreed to move. I bawled. Ken teared up. The kids cried. The plane's engines were getting louder as another attendant said, "Time is literally up. We have no more time. Go get on NOW." So we hurried down the way and boarded the plane. We had to split up in different rows all over the plane, but who cares?! TJ and Kenz sat on the same row, both in the aisle seat, so they were near each other. Ken and Travis sat at the very back.

I was supposed to sit in a middle seat between two men, but when the gentleman at the window saw me come in, he offered to switch with me since, as he said, it would be easier to be by the window with a child. Then another man moved so Hannah could sit next to us. Their kindness was SO appreciated.

The almost-3-hour flight was emotional. Tian slept all but the last 25 minutes. Hannah was feeling so sick, she kept a "clean" bag in her lap the entire time. It was surreal. Just 24 hours before, we were trying to wrap our minds around the fact that we would be staying in China the entire weekend, splitting up, and not getting home until Monday and Tuesday. Now, here were ALL were, flying from LA to Dallas. Together! It sill makes me cry. Only God could pull off something that miraculous! How can I thank Him? How can I even express my gratefulness? It's just unbelievable.

Jesus Himself said, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." We witnessed that first hand. What relief and peace to all be home, back on US soil, back in our hometown, surrounded by everything familiar.

While WE feel this way, we have strong empathy for the boys who are NOT surrounded by anything familiar. They have been so strong, so flexible during the past weeks. We expect the next weeks to be hard for them. We expect them to love it here, but also grieve the loss of everything familiar. We know God's grace will cover them as it has all of us so far.

The Rest of the Story - Part 2

2011-08-01T16:00:00.000-05:00

After a fitful night, everyone went up to breakfast, but I stayed back. Still didn't feel well. The positive side of our stay downtown Shanghai was meeting with the McW family, another Deaf/hearing couple who had just adopted a sweet deaf boy a few days before. It was nice to meet with them. I was still feeling very anxious and worn.

Ken and Hannah headed back to the airport to get us "in line" for the day's flight to LA and to check out the airport hotel. That was a tough several hours while they were gone. The kids and I tried to get out, but it was not a family-(or stroller-) friendly place. We ended up ordering room service, eating, napping, then finally going out to get some food for boys. The walk over to Pizza Hut was a chore, thanks to lots of stairs and major heat, but it was nice to get out of the hotel. We were only there a few minutes before the boys started fussing and, of course, all eyes were on us. I quickly asked for a box to go and our receipt. When we got out, I saw Hannah and Ken walking our direction. Just seeing them made me cry from relief.

Ken said four of us had a very good chance of going home on the evening flight. The AA people encouraged us to split up because all seven of us making this overbooked flight would be impossible.

We discussed it and all agreed, through tears, that splitting up would be best since it would get us home.

We went back to hotel, packed, and left for airport hotel. Due to the look of the outside, we were surprised at how nice it was. It probably would have been smart to just stay there in the first place, but we are glad we got to meet with our friends downtown. The seven of us ate at the buffet, but I still wasn't hungry. We went up to our room, showered, dressed and split up the luggage. Ken decided to go ahead and bring all luggage on the off chance we all could make the flight.

Back to the line at 8:40pm, the AA lady said it "looked good" for all of us. Tears. Hope. But cautious hope. The girls and I walked laps while waiting and thanked God for everything He had done for us so far. We were so thankful. I told the girls I felt like I just couldn't ask Him for more, but I also knew He'd want us to ask and He knew our hearts' desires to stay together. The AA lady came and let us know we were all on the flight home. Miracle! The only catch was that we were in different cabins, so I was going to have to sit alone with the two little boys. Oh my! Well, it was worth it and I'd do it all over again. We were staying together! Two flight attendants told me more than once that they have NO idea how we all made it on the flight. Another flight attendant started crying when she talked to me about our journey. The boys and I sat next to a super-sweet college girl. She's an American who was born and grew up in Boston. She is Chinese and was heading home to the States for the first time in one year. She spent the year in China studying. She was happy to help me, grab drinks, lift trays, allow Tian to put his feet on her lap, and smile, telling me not to worry when one or both of the boys were fussy. She was another blessing from God. I wish I had gotten her contact information.

God's grace was over the entire flight. I WAS tired, sore, and shed a few tears, but after just 12 hours, we were ALL on American soil together.

The Rest of the Story - Part 1

2011-08-01T15:42:00.000-05:00

Five days have passed since my last blog, although it feels like it's been weeks.

In the afternoon after our fun day at the safari park, we started packing and preparing for our morning flight out of Guangzhou to Shanghai. We were so ready to begin our journey home, but we were also unsure of what flights we would get since we were flying standby.

Our original plan was to spend one night in Shanghai, then try to catch the Friday night flight out to LAX. However, due to several reasons, we decided to try to go ahead and fly out that night. So we spent a very long, very tiring day at and around PVG airport. We had planned to meet some friends at their hotel downtown and also wanted to ride the MagLev train, so we hopped the train and headed downtown. The MagLev was as neat as we thought it would be! Such a cool experience. We went as far as we could go on the MagLev, then decided to grab some lunch at a nearby McD's. The place was packed and we had no place to sit. Eventually, we found two empty chairs at a bar, so stood around and ate our lunch. We had several carry-on bags and a stroller, so were quite the sight to see, I'm sure. Maneuvering wasn't easy and I was beginning to feel "off." We checked the subway and after seeing how far the hotel was from us, we decided to just head back to the airport. Before heading back, we perused the MagLev museum.

Back at the airport, we parked ourselves and all our stuff in a quiet place upstairs to rest and hide from staring eyes. After a while, Ken took all the kids back on the MagLev to ride it at maximum speed. I stayed back to rest a bit.

In the afternoon, the kids were getting tired and TJ started feeling sick. When evening finally came, we went to a restaurant upstairs. Not family friendly at all, but we managed. TJ was in tears by this time, saying he hated China and just wanted to go home. It was time for us to freshen up and change clothes. In the process, TJ threw up, Tian fell and smacked the back of his head. Lots of blood, but it was just a cut at skin depth.

Feeling anxious, worn, and some of us sick, finally at 8:40pm, we stood in line 30 minutes to be told 5 of us could get on the flight. We had not considered splitting up. I felt so badly for TJ and honestly didn't want to leave any of them. Just talking about splitting up made the kids cry. The girls cried, saying they didn't want to leave TJ behind. So sweet.

We got a taxi and headed to the hotel downtown. It was a pretty horrible 40-minute drive. The hotel was a welcome sight. We got the kids in bed, got meds in TJ, and tried to go to sleep. From the moment we got in our beautiful suite, I felt uneasy. My stomach was in knots. Before we had left the airport, the people from the airline let us know there would be no way we could all get on a flight together and that we needed to plan to split up. From the looks of it, half of us would have to leave Monday night and the other half Sunday night. That meant 3 more nights in China.

This was one of the most beautiful hotel rooms I'd ever been in, but I felt so uneasy I couldn't sleep. I had also stopped eating from lunch time on.

China Day 21: Just Doing Life

2011-07-26T09:47:00.001-05:00

Photo Album

For the past couple of days, we've had only short meetings or appointments on our schedule. We opted out of all the group tours. While we enjoy connecting with other families, we are sure we made the right decision so the seven of us could connect, bond, and just do life together the best we can in a hotel.

Since arriving in Guangzhou, we haven't felt as rushed, antsy, or homesick as we did last week in Fuzhou. The setting here is beautiful, we have a bit more room, and while it's very humid, it's not nearly as oppressive as it was in Fuzhou. There is a playroom 4 floors down and a nice park a short, shady walk away. That and the fact that we're keeping things slow and low-stress have really made this a wonderful last week in China.

It's been nice to get to know the boys better and better. Each day, even each hour, we see more of their little personalities emerge. Since we don't have super-exciting adventures to report, I figured I would fill you in on our two newest Brownies.

Travis: Travis is gentle, cute, sweet, and happy. He doesn't get angry easily at all, but if he does, he's smiling and laughing again within seconds. The changes in him over the past week are astounding. He came to us drooling quite a bit. He also would also throw a fit by lying down, kicking his legs and banging his head on the floor or the wall. That behavior is already gone! He came to us with zero and I mean ZERO language/communication ability, other than laughing or pitching a fit. Now, he can let us know many of his needs. We still have a long way to go, but he's sharp!! We gave him the name-sign "X" on the forehead, because he's "smart." (The "X" is from his Chinese surname Xu and now his middle name Xuen. He was named Xu En after the man, Mr. Xu who first found him and shared a great affection for him.) It just occurred to me, I should explain to my non-signing friends that the "X" is a handshape, not drawing an X on his forehead. I'll post a photo in today's album.

Travis likes:

his daddy! Better not come between them or you're in trouble!
corn on the cob
noodles

looking at word picture books
looking at flash cards on iPad
learning the signs for things

Photo Booth on iPad

writitng/drawing

sunglasses (we plan to get him some tomorrow)

signing "airplane" and "bear"

after signing bear, acting like a bear and hugging. his daddy taught him this!

Hot Wheels cars (any car, really)
airplanes
He signs many words now after just a week: airplane, bear, fork, eat, more, helicopter, water, "ILY" and much more. Those are the ones he signs on his own. He'll copy anything we show him.

Travis dislikes:

being away from Daddy for too long.

brushing his teeth, but he's getting better. He came to us with brown/black on his teeth around his gum-line, but those spots are already disappearing from twice-daily toothbrushing.

Tian: Tian is a little spit-fire! He walks with swagger and knows he's cute. He's also very smart and likes to parrot anything we or his siblings do. He likes to get his way and will cry and throw a fit if he doesn't. Today, I had the audacity to not let him crawl back and forth over the seats of the moving van. He pitched a fit, but Momma didn't back down. Eventually, I filmed him, then played it back for him to see. That stopped him pretty quickly. 90% of the day, he's in good spirits, loves to play and be a ham.

Tian likes:

being silly

dancing (TJ has already taught him some MJ moves that Tian happily emulates.)

Hot Wheels cars

bubbles

dry cereal

yogurt
noodles
getting his way
giving kisses

Tian dislikes:

being told "no"

watermelon
being away from Momma too long

We are blessed beyond measure to have these boys. They are very different, from their personalities to their background. The more we are with Travis, the more we feel adopting him was truly a rescue mission. I can't even begin to tell you. We believe he was fed, bathed, and cared for as well as they could under the circumstance, but he would have been lost if he had grown up there in the orphanage. He was exhibiting some behaviors of someone with mental deficits, but he doesn't have mental deficits. He was communicated with at an "animal" level, so he behaved accordingly. It breaks our heart and overflows our heart with joy at the same time.

With Tian, he was in a loving foster home for the past year. We've already been in communication and shared photos with his foster family via the orphanage. He had a foster mom he called "Nai Nai" (grandma), a foster father, brother, sister and at least one cousin.

Travis is timid when it comes to playing with his peers or siblings. If he has a toy and sees Tian, who is more aggressive, coming for it, he'll simply drop the toy and back into the corner. That is, unless it's his prized airplane, then you better back off, dude!

We have one more day here in Guangzhou, then we begin our trip home! We have no regrets from our month in China. It's been amazing and God has had the chance to prove Himself faithful over and over and over again. It's only by His grace, leading, care, power, that we were able to accomplish this year-long journey. He's deserving of our continued trust as we transition into the work of making our home home for all seven of us.

China and America

2011-07-24T04:24:00.000-05:00

Someone asked me to compare China with the USA. Understanding that we are just "tourists" staying in hotels and not living here, I will compare the best I can. There are major differences and similarities I've noticed while being here. Some things I prefer the USA's way of doing things, others, I prefer China's.

Health - It seems the Chinese people are very healthy. We've seen very few overweight Chinese. They all drink hot tea at least a couple of times daily. Elderly people are out everywhere exercising, dancing in the park, playing a form of hackey sack and board games, playing instruments. There are exercise parks for adults. Seeing the activity from the adults, especially the elderly, makes me happy. I just don't see that in the US. People go into gyms to workout, but it's different here. The exercise is a way of life, done in the midst of whatever else may be going on. It's fun to witness.

Safety - It's just as safe in China, I'm guessing. There are many things we see here that would be considered "safety hazards" in the US, but after reading some Freakonomics, I think our ideas of safety and danger in the US is totally perceived. We don't wear seatbelts. The boys don't sit in car seats. Many high edges are not well-protected. (The 9th floor swimming pool or the 1-story high drop into the river across from our hotel.) We have seen things at playgrounds that would close an entire park here; things such as a broken plastic window or sharp metal edges. The kids seems to work around these "hazards" and the high ledges just mean adults have to actually watch their kids. Imagine that.

Fashion - The girls all seems to dress very cute and fashionable. They wear what looks to be very painful, but gorgeous shoes, too. I feel totally underdressed in my Teva sandals, shorts and tank tops every single day.
We see many girl/boy couples wearing matching shirts.
When it's hot out, the men of all ages roll up their shirts, exposing their belly. We have coined the term "belly show" whenever we see this, which is all the time. :)
We just don't see immodesty here. (I don't count the belly show as immodesty.) We also don't see public displays of affection. Here in GZ, we are in a famous wedding/engagement photo-taking area. We see girls in wedding dresses and couples dressed to the T all over the place. Today, a photo was being taken of a sweet young couple. The photographer had the girl in her beau's arms, her face very close to his. As soon as the shot was taken, she pulled back, fanned herself and giggled, seeming like she was so shy and embarrassed. It was sweet!

Hotels - Scales, slippers, robes, and dirty laundry basket are standard in every room. Foot-sanitizing stations at pools are interesting. Evidently, hotel pools used to require swim caps. None of our have thus-far though.

Restaurants - Food is brought out whenever it's ready. No waiting for everyone in your party. We asked our guide why and he said there are too many people. There is no time to wait for everyone's food to be ready at the same time. (This is true whether you are a party of 2 or party of 20.)

Napkins seem to be foreign to the Chinese. Most places have a small box of tissue at the tables, others have nothing at all.

Traffic - Many scooters, motorized bikes, bicycles and cars. We will have to re-train our kids (even our birthkids) to not walk so close to moving vehicles once we are back home. In our almost-three weeks here, we've seen one fender-bender. Honking is plentiful here, but not aggressive. It is used as a way to say, "I'm coming through, do you see me?" Cars and bikes will just GO and expect pedestrians to wait. No pedestrian right-of-way here. Pedestrians will walk very close to the traffic and continue walking into oncoming traffic, but they are so good at judging time and distance and speed that the car whizzes by right in front of their toes. I must admit, we are getting good at this, which is why we will have to retrain our kids. It's normal here, but would freak out drivers in the US. I am not nervous when we are being driven around. The Chinese drivers have proven they know what they are doing, so we just trust them. Same with walking across the street close to moving vehicles.
We have seen very few women drivers of cars. Our female guides always have a driver and proclaim that they don't want to learn to drive. Car driving is mostly a "guy" thing here. (Okay, guys in the USA, we ladies don't need to hear your snide comments about that. And I'm sure that has nothing to do with the few wrecks we see.)

Personal Space - You don't really have it here when out in public. We've had people just walk right up and get 2 feet from our face to stare at us. In lines, queues and other places we are used to "waiting our turn," we've learned we must be, what seems to us, agressive to keep our place in line.
This must be a learned behavior. Today at the park, Tian was at the top of the slide, waiting to go down. Three or four kids were at the bottom playing, climbing half way up, the sliding back down. In the US, parents would shoo their kids off the bottom of the slide so the child at the top could slide down. Not so here. The parents just looked on, smiling. Finally, Tian slid down, running into the kids at the bottom, then climbing over them to get off. Oh well, when in China...

Personal Freedoms - Internet access is severely restricted. No Gmail. No Picasa Web. No Blogger. No Facebook or Twitter. Limited results on search engines. We find it stifling.

Accessibility isn't even a consideration here. GZ is the first place we came that has "ramps" into hotels and stores, but that's only because of all the adoptive families using strollers. The ramps are short, narrow, and very steep. I can't imagine trying to push yourself up one in a standard chair. No wonder people with different abilities are dependent here. The environment here does not allow for independence if you don't walk.

Of course, if I lived here and saw people's homes and daily life, I would have more to comment, but this is our perspective as brief visitors. I'm sure I will think of more things as time goes on. I may realize more differences once we arrive back in the US.

Day 18: Medical Check-ups in Guangzhou

2011-07-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

Photo Album

This morning went very well! Despite our late night last night, we got pretty good rest before getting up to prepare for the boys' medical check-ups.

We were happy for some new choices at the breakfast buffet. We ate tons of fresh lychee fruit and even stashed a few for our morning at the doctor.

Jason, our guide came to get us (the only family in our group staying at the Victory Hotel) to take us across the way to the White Swan. We then walked with 10 other families to get the kids' visa photos done. Another short walk and we were at the clinic. The boys did SO well and, as usual, the older Brownies were a big help. Both boys cried just a little during the exam when their clothes were taken off, then again the moment they got their TB test shot. Excellent, considering the stress they could have been feeling.

Ken and I must share about their "hearing test." It's a joke! It should be called an "eye tracking test." The doctor shines a flashlight in his eyes with one hand and then, right in front of their face, moves a colorful squeaky toy over to their ear and squeaks it to see if they "hear" it. When Travis' eyes tracked the squeaker toy, the doctor exclaimed that he heard it. Ken, in his usual bold fashion, held out his hand for the doctor to hand over the toy. He then squeaked the toy behind Travis and out of his field of vision. He didn't flinch. When she "tested" Tian, I just smiled and let her do her thing. We can tell Travis is as deaf as Ken and Tian seems to hear a lot, if not everything, from his left ear. We can wait until we get settled back home to have them "officially" tested. I know the doctors are smart, so it totally stumps me why they do the test this way. I think the atmosphere doesn't lend itself to a reliable hearing test anyway, but that's just me.

Back at the hotel at noon, Tian fell fast asleep. After some Subway for lunch (we ate the fresh veggies...we'll see how that turns out) I, too, got in a nap. By the time I woke up, Travis and Ken were ready for a nap, so I took all the other kids up to the roof swimming pool. Grandmas, don't look at the pictures unless you want to have nightmares, okay.

We did some walking around our hotel. It's such a beautiful setting with many statues, banyan (and other) trees, colorful flowers, and water fountains.

At 5:30, it was time to meet up with some other CCAI families for dinner at the Thai place next to our hotel. Yummy! And we finally got our family picture! All seven of us!

We finished off the evening with a swim and even more gorgeous view than during the day time. Travis even sat on the edge of the pool (it's an "endless" vanishing edge pool, so he could sit on the edge and be in the water from his bottom down) and played and giggled. Much better than the screaming he does when he gets all the way in.

Back in our room to wind down for bed, the 5 Brownies played on the floor, being so sweet with each other. TJ started to cut up some of the fresh fruit our housekeepers brought and his two brothers enjoyed taking turns eating fruit. You'll have to see the photos to see the playtime brought on by the cut-up apple. We love our family!

Day 17: Travel to Guangzhou

2011-07-23T03:36:00.000-05:00

Photo Album

You know how you feel when you accidentally found out you made a wrong turn or you passed your exit? I don't know about you, but I always feel restless and in a major hurry to "catch up" until I finally reach the place where I got turned around. Once I'm back on my correct path, I feel more relaxed.

That is exactly how I felt flying to Guangzhou yesterday! The goal of our trip has been to adopt Tian and Travis. Once Travis was adopted, I felt like I had gone past my exit and was now anxious to get back on the right path.

Our final day in Fuzhou was so hot, humid and oppressive that we stayed in all day long. The older 3 kids and I killed some time bowling a couple of games while the little boys napped. Otherwise, our day was spent packing and watching the ticking clock.

I can't express how thankful I am to God for answering our travel prayers once again. I can TELL you all are praying for us. Yesterday, the 40-minute van ride to the airport, the trek through security, the 2-hour wait for our plane to leave, the hour-and-a-half flight were all uneventful, fun and even restful.

After making our way through security, we headed downstairs to our gate. The entire area was virtually empty! Ahh! Some quiet time with no stares was just what we needed for those two hours. We were at floor level with floor-to-ceiling windows, so got to watch the bustling activity going on outside.

Tian did so well, keeping a good attitude just about all day. That boy is already testing me, I'm telling you! He's smart AND ornery, just like a 2-year-old should be. The older kids were great keeping him active, which is exactly what he likes.

Travis preferred staying in his stroller the majority of the day. I think he feels safe there, because he'll crawl in the stroller even when we are in our hotel room and just sit there to watch TV. He was in heaven sitting at that big picture window! (Don't forget to check out the photos!) He would get SO excited when he saw an airplane take off. He signed "airplane" more times than we can count. People on bicycles also were going back and forth in front of the window. When they passed, I signed "bicycle." It only took two times, then the third bike that came by, Travis pointed, got his daddy's attention, and signed perfectly "bicycle."

I have to confess something, but it makes a good story, so I'll expose my own ugliness here. When we were queuing up to board the bus that took us out to the tarmac to board the plane. (That was fun. We haven't boarded a plane from the ground in a long time. I was glad the boys got to really SEE that we were boarding an airplane.) While in line, we were getting pushed out quickly, as usual, because we aren't as aggressive as the local travelers. I made a snide comment to Ken about how it's really "every man for himself" here and that most people seem to have no regard for others. Here we were with 2 little boys (one asleep in my very weary arms) and people were still nudging in line ahead of us.

Minutes later, a kind gentleman motioned for us to go on ahead of him. Then, when I got on the crowded-with-only-4-seats bus, an elderly man quickly got up and gave me his seat (remember, I was holding a sleeping Tian). I signed something to Ken that I have to think how to translate into English. Guess I could say "eating crow" or "eating my words." Those two gentlemen showed me it's just like in the USA. While many can me rude and selfish, most are kind and generous. Seriously, the Chinese people have been nothing but kind to us on our entire trip. Managing crowds is just something WE as Americans would have to learn to do here.

On the flight, Travis fell straight to sleep. Tian woke up and stayed awake through the entire flight. I'm glad, because it gave me a chance to see how he would do on an airplane. Other than wanting to walk the aisles at one point, he was happy to sit in his seat, my or Hannah's laps, eat his snacks and look out the window. (We won't talk about the boy behind us who put his feet up on our seat, around our seat, then threw up as we were landing. Fortunately, we only had to hear it.)

A sweet Chinese man who spoke English sat next to TJ and visited with him and Mackenzie during the flight.

We landed and were picked up by a driver to head to the Victory Hotel, arriving at 11pm. We LOVE it! It's our favorite yet, but that's because we got a suite. Ken and I have a bedroom, 2 bathrooms and a living room. The kids have a standard room across the hall. It's nice to have some space for our last week here.

Tian, Travis, Kenzie and I went straight to sleep. The others got a bite to eat here in the hotel before turning in for the night.

Getting our internet service worked out took a little time, so I'm a day behind on my blogs. Thanks for all of your kind words and messages. I read every single one, usually more than once. It helps me feel close to home. Love you all! --Sarah

Day 16: Fuzhou Zoo

2011-07-21T07:17:00.000-05:00

Photo Album

It's about 5:30pm as I type up this blog. Believe it or not, I'm here in the room with Tian, Travis and Kenzie and all is well. Ken and Hannah ran to the store to get some things for the boys to have on the plane ride tomorrow. TJ is in the other room watching TV and playing with bubbles.

A few of you have been amazed that I'm able to keep up a blog. I normally write in the afternoon when both boys are napping and the older Brownies are chilling out watching TV. I'll often type up a few notes so I don't forget what happened, then will put it all together in the afternoon or late evening.

We truly are grateful for our time here. With all the sympathy I got after my last post, I'm afraid I may have made it sound like we're miserable here. That's not the case at all. The "misery" or homesickness comes in waves and are short-lived. That emotional episode I had in the van yesterday was one of only two since we've been in China, so we can truly say that the vast majority of the time, all is well. The boys DO take their turns throwing fits and we are looking forward to going home, but we are enjoying our truly short time here in China. We get out and have fun. As the kids are now sick of hearing me say, we "go with the flow."

This morning after our usual breakfast buffet, we met our guide and headed out in the sweltering humidity to the Fuzhou Zoo, just about 5 miles from here. The scenery was gorgeous! This is a tropical climate and all of the greenery made me think of what the Garden of Eden might have looked like. Huge palm branches, thick bamboo and other lush plants. All of this was set with green rolling mountains in the background.

Ken, who had planned to stay home with Travis, decided to join us after all, but was ready to go back after about 5 minutes. He endured a long climb up many steps (we knew better this time and took our carriers and NOT strollers) and a peek at some giraffes before we headed over to the sea lion show. Two of the Brownies got their photo made with a sea lion! After the show, Ken and Travis headed back to the hotel with our oldest while I stayed back with the others and our guide. While we were walking, a group of teens motioned excitedly for us to come let them take our picture. I quickly realized they were Deaf. We were able to communicate enough for them to learn we were from America and that I was hearing, but my husband (who had already left) was Deaf. They were even more excited to see us, but they didn't try to say much. After we walked away, I remembered what our Deaf friends in Beijing had said. The Deaf people in China never ever see a hearing wife of a Deaf husband who can sign. Even more, they can't imagine hearing kids who can sign. I wonder if they assumed I didn't sign. I wish I had visited more, but it was so hot, we seriously thought we would pass out.

Regardless of our brief communication, our guide was pretty impressed with what we could communicate with each other. She had lots of questions after that. I love it! I pray the Chinese people continue to open their minds to the abilities of Deaf people.

We headed a little further up the hill to see a tiger and lion show then peek at leopard before heading back down to the entrance. We picked up some much-needed drinks, as we had sucked through all of our water fairly quickly, and then waited a few minutes for our driver.

When we climbed into the van, it was sweltering. The driver messed around with the fans for a few minutes, then announced that the AC was not working. Even the fan wouldn't turn, so there was no air. I told our guide that I was glad that happened with us and not with Ken, because he might have lost it! I let her know we could deal with it as long as the windows were down. Oh? The windows don't go down? Well, I think we just might die then. Fortunately, that was even too much for the driver and guide, so they got us swiftly to a taxi for the 15-minute ride home. Whew!

Once back at the hotel, we quickly changed into our swim suits and hit the pool to cool off. Tian LOVES the pool and enjoys jumping in from the edge. Travis, on the other hand, hates it with a passion. Ken kept him in for a torturous 10 minutes and his screaming never let up. (We were the only ones at the pool or else we wouldn't have kept him there so long.)

After a brief swim and some delivered McDonald's for lunch, Ken and Hannah made a quick taxi ride to the store. (They could have walked, but it was pouring and plus they were coming back with a couple of bags.) Travis wasn't happy to see Ken leave, but ended up doing great with me. We put on lotion, looked at books, played with little brother, and watched TJ make giant bubbles. TJ had concocted a bubble-maker out of hotel shampoo, water, and a plastic rod from a toy the boys have. It was a huge hit!

3 hours have passed, we've eaten dinner, had lots of laughs with all 5 of our kids, and are now going to try to wind down for the evening. We will spend tomorrow morning packing. Travis' paperwork should be completed by 3:30pm, then we will head out to the airport to fly to Guangzhou in the evening. Ready to be in a new city to get the boys' immigration papers processed. Exciting stuff!

Great Is Your Faithfulness

2011-07-21T07:12:00.000-05:00

With 2 1/2 weeks of travel behind us and just over one more week to go, we wanted to thank you all for your prayers. They have covered us every step of the way, we have no doubt. We also wanted to share with you what we are thanking God for today. We sat around during dinner and named things we have been thankful for thus far. Below is our list, some from Ken and me and some from the kids.

Thankful for:

Both boys adjusting amazingly well. They like us. They choose to be with us among a crowd of people. They both seem to genuinely enjoy being a part of our family, even if they don't yet understand they ARE our family.
Kisses and hugs already from both boys to each one of us. They don't "dislike" any of us, even though they do have preferences.
No illnesses, other than simple cough, headache and sore throat that improved.
Now having 3 brothers.
Nice hotels.
Hotel having swimming pools.
Having two rooms.
Uneventful flights and transportation.
AC in our hotels. We can always cool off here.
Discovery and National Geographic in English on the TVs.
(HBO, too, which we don't watch because it's usually too tacky.)
Great Wall Mutianyu trip: perfect weather, clear skies, toboggan and ski lift.
No-stress enjoyment at the Great Wall.
Hotel non-smoking rooms.
American chain restaurants delivery to the hotel! (McDs, KFC, Papa John's)
The Brownies. Not only have they been a MAJOR help, but they have gotten along with each other amazingly well these past 2 1/2 weeks.
Our marriage! This experience has certainly put us to the test and with God, we make a great team.
No stinky diapers!! (Travis fully potty trained. Tian doing well with potty training. About 70% number 1 and 100% number 2. I'm seriously buying some split pants for when we are at home. They are genius!)
Except for 2 rough nights Travis had, both boys have slept well.
Kindness from Chinese people.
Helpful guides.
VPN so we can blog, post photos and Skype with relative ease.
Banking success while here, even with a few bumps in the road.
God's hand over this entire process.
Boys having no "surprise" problems or issues we didn't expect.
New adventures, beauty, and places to see every day.
The opportunity to really experience China, our boys' homeland.

There is so much more we could thank God for, but those are what we came up with over dinner. If you could continue your prayers on our behalf, we would appreciate them! We still need prayer for

our own patience during the last week here
major travel coming up: 1.5 hours tomorrow, 2.5 hours on the 28th, 12 hours on the 29th, 3 hours on the 30th. That's a lot of air time! The idea of so many hours on an airplane with the boys probably causes me the greatest stress. I shouldn't worry, because God has answered our pleas so far, so I know He will give us grace in this. I'm still fighting anxiousness.
all paperwork to process on time in Guangzhou
medical exams and TB tests to turn out well

Day 15: Is It Time to Go Home Yet?

2011-07-20T01:53:00.001-05:00

Photo Album

We had a great night of sleep last night. Thanks to lots of prayers, Travis slept soundly all night without even stirring. (He's throwing a massive fit right now as I type, so I guess he's using all that energy he saved up with sleep.)

We had our usual breakfast buffet, then came back upstairs to pack up and prepare for an outing. Our guide came around 10am and we drove a short way to a mall. On our way over, Mackenzie asked me how many more days we had left in China. I told her we would be home in 9 days, but really, one week from today we'll be packing up to head home via Shanghai. With that, I started crying. Sobbing. The kids asked me what was wrong and I said (much like a small, whining child), "I just want to go home." I couldn't stop myself from crying. Just typing that makes me cry again! We truly enjoy our days for the most part, but are also homesick.

The 6-story mall had lots of neat stores as well as an indoor playground for young children.
The kids burned off some great energy. Tian was quickly ready to play. Travis took a little longer to warm up to the chaos, but he eventually ran all over the place along with the rest of the kids. His favorite thing was the little plastic car. He was frustrated that most of them didn't have a wheel, so he would go looking inside each one until he found one with an intact steering wheel.

The Brownies were amazing in their new job as older siblings. They were so sweet with their brothers, helping us keep an eye on them. Hannah and Ken left for a while to explore the mall while I stayed with our 4 younger ones. TJ and Kenzie were invaluable helping me keep up with Tian and Travis.

After we had played and played, we headed downstairs to eat. Our guide suggested we eat at a local favorite "buffet." When we walked in, a waitress, who was in the middle of waiting on a table, looked up, gasped, put her hand over her mouth, and started announcing our arrival to others. Oy vay! The boys were restless as we sat down. As usual, a huge fuss was made over setting up a table big enough to fit us all. Sigh. Then about 4 or 5 waiters and waitresses crowded our table, talking with each other and our guide. I don't even wanna know what they were saying. THIS is when we grow weary of the attention. When we're trying to accomplish a goal, such as feeding our family, and we just get bombarded with stares, giggles, and whispers. In the play area, we got a lot of attention, but it was a relaxed atmosphere where we could smile and gesture to communicate with them what we knew they were thinking. In the play area, an older woman examined Tian's ear, then began to look over Travis to try to figure out what was "wrong" with him. Ken just gestured that he couldn't hear. The lady was satisfied and gave us a big smile. The people here are kind. Their stares are never cruel or mocking, they are just curious and, it seems, happy to see us. Even so, when we are having a tough time with the boys, we just want to look up and yell, "Stop staring, please!"

We got back to the hotel around 1pm. Tian, after a short fit, went to sleep. Travis threw a fit or two of his own (while I was typing this) and is now happily playing with bubbles.

Tomorrow is our last full day in Fuzhou. Friday we will spend the morning packing, then in the afternoon head to the airport for an evening flight to Guangzhou. We would love prayers for the boys to fly well during that hour and half. If you're curious where we go next, remember you can click on the China Schedule tab up at the top of the page.