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Deaf and Hearing Marriage Part 1

In our 14 years of marriage, Ken and I have stocked up quite a collection of comments and questions regarding our deaf/hearing marriage.  We've been asked if we fight and if so, is it silent?  One rude college student even asked me how we were able to"intimate relationships".  What?!  Obviously, that chick was an uneducated virgin and somehow assumed the inner workings of a man's ear affected that activity. And obviously, her momma didn't teach her manners.

From the Deaf community, the most common questions are, "Are your kids hearing?" and "Do your kids sign?"  Their questions aren't nearly as entertaining as their hearing counterparts.

When I was engaged to Ken, I thought through some of the issues we may face as a Deaf and hearing couple, but didn't really have a clue.  People asked us how we'd talk at night in the dark. (We leave a dim-able light on, then turn it off some time during the night.)  People asked how we'd call to each other from one room to another. (Ken yells for me. I text him, flash lights or call him on FaceTime.  Sometimes, he's right there, but walking away and I need his attention. If I can't reach him or flash a light, I throw something at him.  If that doesn't work, I have to decide if it's worth chasing him or just save it for later.)  People wondered how we would talk in the car.  That question is best answered by watching this humorous video by the CODA Brothers.

I should add that I was fluent in ASL and was involved with the Deaf community before I met Ken.  If a Deaf/hearing couple don't have common language, they need to seriously reconsider their relationship. Marriage is hard enough when you share a common language.

Those other issues about talking in the dark and getting each others' attention ended up being no big deal at all, but there are challenges a deaf and hearing couple face.  I will share what I've learned in the next two blog posts.


  1. oooooooooooo i love posts like this. ok seriously, the rude virgin - CLASSIC! i like you babe. real posts - ALWAYS THE BEST! :) so glad we've hooked up texas. you're fun. :)


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