It's Mother's Day.
I will celebrate the many blessings that come along with that: My own mom, a mother-in-law whom I love and am daily thankful for how she raised her son to be a good husband, and my own life as a mom of three kids that I love so much it hurts.
But 2 of my 5 children are a half-world away. Today leaves me thinking about their "moms."
Tian and EnEn have 3 moms:
Tian and EnEn were each born to a mother (obviously). I've been thinking of them a lot this week. Curious to know if China celebrated Mother's Day, I did what any good researcher would do and googled it. It's becoming a popular holiday there, but isn't celebrated all over China yet.
Still, I wonder how often they think of the boys?
When Tian's mom left him at a busy underpass, he was just a week old. I wonder where she hid to keep watch over him until he was found? As she goes about her day, does she scan little toddler boys to see if any of them has his distinguishing ear? Does she hope to see him again some day? Will she?
Thinking of EnEn's mom brings to my heart even more ache and questions. How many weeks or months did she sit in anguish, rocking him and kissing his forehead, knowing she could not keep him? How many times did she stand behind him and bang pans, stomp feet, clap her hands or yell to test his hearing "just one more time?" How many times did she begin the trip to the orphanage gates before she could actually leave him there?
I wonder if either of them ever walk past the orphanage in hopes of getting a glance at their boy.
These moms are have a special place in my heart. They carried the boys for 9 months, then cared for them in their first week...and first year. The boys are physically and forever tied to their moms, therefore, so am I.
Next month will mark one year that Tian has been with his foster mom (and dad, grandma and brother). In so many of the pictures I've received over the past year, he's been in her arms. She's been teaching him what it is like to be in a family. And as difficult as it will be for him to understand why he's leaving her, she's made his life and ours better by teaching him to connect to a mom. She's sacrificed herself to raise a little boy she knew from the beginning would never be her forever son. I will honor her on Mother's Day for the rest of my life.
EnEn hasn't had a foster mom, but many nannies (and some mannies, so it seems). From the abundant smiles we see in his photos, both on his face and the faces of these nannies, I can tell he IS cared for and enjoyed.
Tian and EnEn,
I'm your momma! God had a plan for us from the beginning. I'm so thankful for the moms and nannies you have had in your life, but I need to tell you something. I'm your forever momma and forever mommas have a different kind of love.
Very soon, I'll be holding you! I can already imagine you falling asleep in my arms, your sweaty head on my chest. I can't wait to stroke your hair and kiss your forehead. I can't wait to rock you, to comfort you, to make it better when you're hurt, to love you through your sadness, to show you what it is be family. Always. Permanently.
I know you don't understand now, but I'm trusting that, by God's grace, He will place in your heart a comfort that only comes from Him. He knitted you together in your birth mother's womb and He knitted you in my heart.
On this Mother's Day, I'm praying that God will knit ME on YOUR heart.
God, protect those boys! Not just physically from illness or mistreatment, but protect their hearts. Those little hearts have lost much. I'm so thankful you have entrusted Ken and me to be their dad and mom.
As bittersweet as it is, it IS a happy Mother's Day.