Today has been a trial! The past several months have been a trial, but today was just a day for crying. We had several ups and lots of downs. Ken and I are faced with some major decisions and are totally confused, at this point, as to what God wants us to do.
Some of the worries that have crept into my head today have been:
We've made some major mistakes along this journey. I can name a few times Ken and I have made a decision without seeking you, God. Have we screwed it up?
Through the historical account in scripture about Abraham, Sarah, their son Isaac, his wife Rebekah, and their twins, Esau and Jacob, God has shown me that He is the faithful One. His faithfulness is not dependent on my wisdom or stupidity, even my rebellion at any given moment. I can't do anything to mess up his plans, nor can I do anything to make myself worthy of his blessing.
God fulfilled his plans among this crew listed above who lied, connived, deceived, failed and thought they could make happen what God was not making happen. They had times of great faith and righteousness and are called "worthy" for it many times in scripture. But they weren't perfect. They messed up. Christ is perfect. God sees Christ's perfection in place of my mess. Jesus IS the Stairway To Heaven. (Cue guitar)
God, we're going what we know you called us to in adopting Tian and Xu. If we're going down a road you put us on, why isn't it easier?
During the lecture portion of tonight's bible study, Jennifer called our attention to the number of years Isaac and Rebekah had to wait before she was pregnant. God had made a promise to Abraham to make his descendants many. That promise had spilled over onto Isaac. Isaac's wife was sought fully with God's leading. He and Rebekah had 20 long years to wonder, as Jennifer put it, "Why is nothing moving on this path you said you would take me on?"
Yes! I feel that! The difference is with Isaac's life story, I know how it turns out. I don't know how our story is going to turn out, but tonight God reminded me...again...of who He is! He is faithful. He will do this thing he started. Since I know the ending to Isaac's story, I know the ending of mine.
These accounts come from Genesis 12-28. It's a great read, even though parts of it look like an episode of Jerry Springer. I would encourage those who have never read it before to do so, then find a way to study it with all the cross-references and cultural information. If not, you'll miss seeing God and just see the mess. I love God...I'm crazy about Him for showing me who he is amid the mess. In spite of the mess. In spite of myself.