Friday, June 17, 2011

Pressed, Not Crushed

I'm pressed, but not crushed;
Persecuted, not abandoned;
Struck down, but not destroyed.
I'm blessed beyond the curse
because His promise will endure
and His joy is going to be my strength.
Though sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes in the morning.
--Trading My Sorrows, Darrell Evans

Down. Weary. Dismayed. Disheartened. Weighed down. Worn.

In my years, I've learned not to use the word "depressed" lightly.  When I'm feeling down, I don't say that I  am depressed.  I won't say it here today, either, but I feel like I'm certainly feeling physical as well as emotional effects from being "down."

Over the past few weeks, I've been unmotivated to get up, get dressed, and get out.  I'd rather stay home and in my PJs.  I feel like a fat blob, which doesn't help the getting dressed and getting out.

Since this time last year, I've successfully dropped every outside obligation other than church and immediate family, and have learned I function well on a mostly-full plate.

Don't misunderstand! I'm glad I dropped the other responsibilities because that time will be filled up with 2 toddlers soon enough, but in the interm, I'm just blah.  At first, I enjoyed the free time I had and truly relished it, knowing it will all end quickly, but I'm done.  I'm ready to go already and am ready to be busy again.

Ken and I have a lot we need to do before travel.  We have a few last-minute items to buy, documents to gather, checklists to check, bags to pack, money (or no money) to budget, and some toddler-proofing to do around the house.  Even with so much to get done, I feel (and I think Ken feels about the same way) stuck.  Waiting for these last few steps, especially TA (travel approval), have proven grueling!

Back when we were waiting for LOA, my inbox flooded with emails from a group of adoptive parents on our loop stressing and lamenting over their TA wait.  I ended up deleting the unread messages any time I saw the "TA wait" subject come up in my inbox.  I swore I would not be so stressed out about silly little TA, but that I would just expect to wait 4 weeks and be happy we were on the last leg of our wait.  Ha! Before I had kids, I also said my kid would "never talk to me that way."  Oh, to be young and naive!  Well, I was naive a few weeks ago while waiting for LOA.  This TA wait is a true test of mental health.  Having bronchitis in the midst of all of it hasn't helped much either.

Now that I've shared about my feeling disheartened, lethargic, and unmotivated, I'll tell you what I intend to do about it:
-Tomorrow, I'm getting my blubbery butt out of bed before 9am for a change to go walk/run.  I'm so accustomed to exercise (and truly love it) that I'm pretty sure the lack of it is contributing to my feelings.
-Look to the place hope and encouragement are found.  I fill my time researching the kids' histories, organizing stuff, surfing adoption sites online, and neglect to go first to my Comforter for comfort.  Hello!!

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Lam. 3:22...

4 comments:

  1. Just want to send you a big ole hug!!! Love you guys and miss you!

    Roxanne Weiss

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  2. I hear ya... So I'll give you a bit of advice that my friend A gave me last year as she knew I was headed into a poop storm, if you will. She said, "Just think ahead to a year from now. You wil be on the other side of it, everything will have calmed down, and life will be 'normal.'" Oddly enough, this has helped when I've wondered what the heck I'm supposed to do for the next few days or weeks... Thinking that it might not be better tomorrow, but that this time next year... So: This time next year, you'll have just had a birthday party. You'll be exhausted from momming two little guys. They'll be able to communicate with you. You'll be a "normal" family (as normal as our families can get). And you'll have all but forgotten the agony of waiting... Even so, I'll be praying that you get your TA Monday. :D

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  3. Readying for the adoption has been difficult and seemed long, for sure. We also are ready for you to go get Tian and Travis. But we know that "Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength." I am glad to read that you will be spending more time with Him and that you are going to once again exercise regularly. Both have a been a part of you for a long time. It is good you are getting back to them ... As always, God will provide what you need as it is needed. I am thanking Him already for the blessings He has given and will continue to give to you and your family. "Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning."

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  4. The above poster-people said it all... I'll just send you great big

    (((((HUGS)))))

    from Colorado.
    ~chris

    ReplyDelete